How Can I Move Forward from My Mistakes?

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“Could you please share with me how can I get over my past mistakes and actions? 7 months ago I had a terrible fight with a friend of mine, whom I had feelings for. It was a long distance relationship. Due to anger and rage, I communicated harsh words to her. I tried apologizing but she’s not ready to take my calls and has blocked me off all social networking sites and hasn’t communicated since.

I terribly feel her absence and I’m down with guilt. Every day thoughts of her keep running through my mind. I feel that if I’d not said those words to her, we would have still been friends. She’s a great person to talk to and be around with… She’s moved to my city and I want to meet her in person to apologize and seek forgiveness, to get over with myself. I’m not sure if she’s interested to continue. But could you please suggest how I can take this forward, as it’s causing a lot of mental and psychological pain.” ~ Neo, United States

Dear Neo:

Thank you for opening your heart and mind to healing this relationship. Clearly it matters a great deal to you. In the heat of anger, many of us don’t use the filters that keep harsh words from coming out and feel deep sadness and remorse for expressing them; so know that you are not alone. It’s kind of like a feather pillow; once the feathers fly out, it’s hard to gather them up and stuff them back in. Your friend has felt the impact and has taken a step back to heal as well. Has she actually verbalized not wanting contact, or have her actions expressed that to you? You have respected her enough to let go at the moment.

One thing that I have done when challenges have arisen in my relationships is to use the ancient Hawaiian wisdom of Ho’oponopono that focuses on healing and reconciliation. It is a way of reaching out to someone in the fullness of your heart, even if you are not in their presence. It incorporates 4 statements that you repeat as often as you would like. They are: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. As you say them to her, you are also saying them to yourself, since you have shared that you are seeking relief as well. Self-compassion is an important part of the process too.

Another technique is to write a letter to her, saying everything you would say if she were standing in front of you. You need not send it. You might also visualize her with you and send loving thoughts. Thoughts are powerful and can travel great distances. Sometimes the longest is between our hearts and those of others; but it’s well worth traversing. The toughest part might be surrendering outcome for the Highest Good. I have seen miracles occur when I have done these things and recommended them to clients.

Wishing you the peace you desire.

Edie Weinstein

Edie Weinstein

Edie Weinstein (Bliss Mistress) is a work in progress, like everyone else on the planet; the artist of her own design. She is a career journalist with 24 years experience interviewing some of the most amazing movers and shakers on the planet, including Joan Borysenko, Ben & Jerry,Shirley MacLaine, Ram Dass, Michael Beckwith, Jack Canfield, Alan Cohen, Karen Drucker, Judith Orloff, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Dan Millman, Wayne Dyer, Elizabeth Lesser, Arielle Ford, Debbie Ford, SARK, Bernie Siegel and His Holiness the Dalai Lama. In addition, she is an interfaith minister, dynamic motivational speaker, opti-mystic, (seeing the world through the eyes of possibility), transformational coach, social worker and PR Goddess. From 1988-1998, she was co-publisher of Visions Magazine. She facilitates workshops; subjects include spirituality, transformation, recovery, weathering the winds of change, relationships, love, communication, co-dependence, stress management, time management, manna-festation, loss and grief, sexuality, re-creating your life. The presentations/workshops are experiential, interactive and lively. The style is conversational and dynamic. People laugh and cry. The workshops include music, movement, meditation, art, writing, small and large group interaction. She writes a regular column for Wisdom Magazine called The Bliss Mistress Guide, a daily blog for the interfaith website Beliefnet called the Bliss Blog and a weekly blog for VividLife, and a monthly column for Bellesprit. She is a contributor to Elephant Journal and The Whirling Blog as well as a growing number of other venues. She is the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming the Ordinary Into the Extraordinary. Edie's weekly radio show, It's All About Relationships, airs on Vivid Life Radio each Thursday night from 8-9pm Eastern.

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