How Can I Get Over the Death of a Loved One?

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“I lost both parents within a year, very unexpectedly. I still pick up the phone to call them and feel such an ache inside. How do I fill this void?” ~ Jeri, Poughkeepsie, NY

Dear Jeri,

Your first step is let go of your goal to “fill this void.” I am not sure we ever completely get over losses; we learn to fill our lives up with other good things so that we do not feel the loss as much.

Right now, you need to grieve. It is how the body and mind heal. The loss is a big hole in your heart, so it feels as if there is nothing else out there.

So for now, find a grievance group, spend time with people who love you, practice relaxation and breathing techniques and spend time in nature—all to help you expand your heart so that the hole is not taking up so much room. It will still be there, just smaller relative to the rest of your heart. Your goal is to focus on what you have, rather than what you don’t. This will all take place in time.

Dr. Eva Selhub

Dr. Eva Selhub

Eva M. Selhub, MD, a passionate, articulate advocate of Mind/Body Medicine, enjoys a flourishing career as a speaker, healer and media spokesperson. Dr. Selhub is a Clinical Associate in Medicine at the Massachusetts General Hospital and Benson Henry Institute, and an Instructor in Medicine at Harvard Medical School. Board Certified in Internal Medicine and specializing in Integrative Medicine, she teaches and coaches clients to achieve resilience by moving beyond limiting beliefs, set diagnoses or genetic predispositions. As a teacher and motivational speaker, Dr. Selhub has lectured throughout the United States, Middle East, Far East and Europe, training healthcare professionals and coaching chief executives. She is the author of The Love Response (Ballantine/Random House 2009) and a co-author of Your Brain on Nature (Harper Collins, 2014). Dr. Selhub also have several guided meditation audio CD’s and offers an 8-week on line program to get healthy and happy along with options for individual coaching.

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