“How do you stay married to someone who lies repeatedly to you and then twists things around when confronted?” ~ Joni, Agoura Hills, CA
Most of us wouldn’t tolerate someone intentionally being dishonest with us, whether it’s from the person we are dating, a family member, friend, coworker or even an acquaintance as that’s usually a standard cardinal rule deal-breaker in continuing most relationships.
The difficulty lies (no pun intended) when it’s with our spouse or children. If it’s our children, we would love our way through it, teaching them about consequences, character, trust, kindness, compassion and the other fundamental building blocks to having healthy relationships with other people and their importance.
When it’s a spouse, there seems to be an automatic tolerance of continuing an inferior relationship because of the ceremonial commitment of unity that’s been created regardless, if there are any children involved. Many people will knowingly allow themselves to continue in an abusive relationship that they normally would not accept from anyone else.
The dangers of putting up with someone’s repetitive dishonesty is the deteriorating effects it has on your long-term emotional and psychological well-being. This behavior is immensely harmful to your self-esteem. If you allow this conduct to continue, it can have a negative affect on all levels of your Being over time.
The only way to stay married to someone who lies repeatedly to you and then twists things around when confronted is for them to take responsibility for their actions and transform their derogatory behavior to one of honor, respect, truthfulness and courage. This is not your responsibility to fix, it’s theirs. Regardless of the outcome, you need to connect with someone professionally to collectively work on the marriage issues and individually on rebuilding and healing the damage that’s being done within.
You are magnificent, Joni, and you are worthy and deserving to be cherished and treated with love, honor and respect in your marriage.
Dr. Stacey A. Maxwell-Krockenberger