What Do I Do If I Love a Married Man?

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“For 9 years I have felt irresistibly attracted to a man who is married. This situation occupies my mind and I need him to be in my life. I tried to avoid him but we always meet again. We like each others’ company. What to do to really get him spending more time with me to talk things over? Can this be a real relationship or is it meant to stay an in-between? Others think this situation is really weird, but there is special reason why we are attracted to each other to both our evolution. What is he willing to do to be honest with this situation in his marriage? Is his marriage meant to continue on this basis? What about his wife?” ~ Anny, Bruges, Belgium


I can hear that you are attracted to and have loved this man for many years and feel that you need him to be in your life, even though he is married to someone else. I also hear that you’d like to know if there is a way to make a relationship work while he is still married.

Nine years of your life have passed and, as attracted as he may be, and as much time as he may want to spend with you, the truth is that he hasn’t chosen to end his marriage, which indicates that it’s unlikely he will. As long as he chooses to remain married, he is simply emotionally and legally unavailable.

The most important question to ask yourself is, “What is it that I wish to experience in a relationship?”

This answer to this question is critical because, unless you are crystal-clear about what you really want to experience, you will settle for what you think you can get, which may not be what you truly desire or deserve.

For example, is what you want to experience an “in-between” arrangement or a fully committed relationship where you have the experience of being loved and cherished by the man you choose to love? Are fidelity, honesty, and the security of knowing that the person you are with wants to be with you and only you are important to you?

Only you know what your heart truly desires.

It’s evident that you love him, Anny, but it’s important that you love yourself even more and that you choose to honor your heart’s desires.

As you become clear about what it is you really want to experience inside of a relationship, the choice of whether to continue with or end this relationship will also become clear. In choosing, remember to make the choice that honors you, acknowledges your true heart’s desire, and leaves you feeling the most loved and fulfilled. Only then can you attract into your life someone who is willing to do the same.

You deserve to be loved, honored, cherished, and adored every day of your life, Anny. There’s no need to settle for anything less!

Lots of love,


Gladys Diaz

Gladys Diaz, co-founder of Heart’s Desire International, is a dating and relationship coach, author, and speaker whose mission it is to empower every woman on the planet to have experience of being loved, cherished, and adored every day of her life. Together with her business partner and the other half of The Love Twins, Michelle Roza, Gladys teaches women around the world the keys to transform from being lonely singles, struggling girlfriends, and unsatisfied wives to becoming confident, radiant women who are empowered to create the life and love their hearts desire. Gladys has been asked to share her expertise on numerous television and radio shows, contributes to various print and online publications, and is frequently invited to speak at events that focus on empowering women in both their personal and professional lives.

For more information, please visit heartachetoheartsdesires.com.

View all posts by Gladys Diaz.

  1. Marianne
    Marianne says:

    Perhaps it is possible to have this man in your life as a soulmate,someone who is in your life to help you grow as a person,but not as your romantic partner?It can help to appreciate what is ,as a gift without asking for more.
    Not easy though,but when you can give it its own place maybe its easier to be open for someone else.

    • Gladys Diaz
      Gladys Diaz says:

      That’s such a great recommendation, Marianne. By giving herself permission to continue loving him, while leaving it as a friendship, and respecting and honoring the fact that he is married, she can still have him in her life and keep her heart open to welcoming the man who is ready to choose to love her — and only her — now.
      Thanks so much for commenting!

      • iamasister
        iamasister says:

        I think Marianne is setting the stage for disaster. No marriage needs a starry eyed “soulmate” hanging around on the outside of the union. Go find yourself an available man to help you grow and be your soulmate.

  2. vicequeenmaria
    vicequeenmaria says:

    Best advice ever! Thank you, Gladys! “Remember to make the choice that honors you, acknowledges your true heart’s desire, and leaves you feeling the most loved and fulfilled.”

    • Gladys Diaz
      Gladys Diaz says:

      Thank you so much, for commenting, Maria! And, yes, honoring yourself and your desires is what helps you attract and welcome in someone who wants to honor you, too!

  3. iamasister
    iamasister says:

    Really? Are you kidding? This “irresistible” love has been going on for NINE years! He is still, miracle of miracles, with his wife. He does NOT choose you. He chooses his wife. As hard as that is to bear, it is true. You need to move on, quit dreaming of being with him. You can only offer him the pain infidelity can offer. Love him enough to leave and let his relationship with his wife flourish.

  4. Michele
    Michele says:

    Having been the wife of a man who had the 8 year affair. The children were hurt the worse
    It was like his life with them was a lie and they did not know him at all he didn’t have the courage to divorce me I had to find out and divorce him 9 years ago. They dated on and off for 3 years. Did not end up together
    So many people hurt
    Tell him to get divorced and be with her
    It is more fair to the wife


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