Dr. Leslie is the author of a book entitled, Getting Into Your Pants (meaning your own!). I interviewed her a year ago as a Luminary for Inspire Me Today.com. Her message Saturday was an innocent invitation to get together.
My mind instantly went to the failure I felt for not being able to get into my pants! She’s so thin and beautiful and I felt embarrassed at gaining weight since we last talked, not losing it as I’d planned. In the last two years I’ve gained more than 20 pounds. There, I said it! Wow, I did more than say it, I wrote it in a blog! Maybe admitting this is a problem for me is the first step to solving it!
Since I was a young girl I have had an issue with my weight. I can still remember an offhanded comment my mother made to me when I was just 17 about my being fat- when I was then only 114 pounds. Although I’m sure it was insignificant to her, I’ve carried that comment with me for 30 years!
Other than when I was pregnant, I’ve never been more than 20 pounds overweight, but I’ve never been thin either. I have what most would describe as a curvy figure.
The problem was, I was fat INSIDE! No matter what I weighed, I still felt overweight. When I look back at photos from 5 or 10 years ago when I thought I was “fat”, it’s almost insulting to people who are truly overweight. We all easily tire of skinny women who are always obsessing about their weight, when we’d give anything to look like that. But for me at only 5’3″, 20 pounds overweight is significant and I’m determined to lose it.
For the past two years I’ve changed some of my habits, and not necessarily for the better. I could blame it on relocation (twice), traveling often, changes in pre-menopausal hormonal levels, getting married, starting a new business and not making the time to exercise, financial pressure, stress or one of many other things that I’ve gone through.
Bottom line- this is my fault and mine alone, based on the choices that I’ve made. Therefore getting out of this place is going to be my choice too, and I’m making that choice today.
Step one, Dr. Leslie and I talked for more than an hour yesterday. I know that the best way to do anything is to find a mentor, so I accepted her generous offer when she reached out to me. (Thank you Dr. Leslie!) I’m stepping forward to releasing these extra pounds. I feel like I should hear a drum roll when I write this.
This is a really scary for me to be this transparent, but I felt it was important. Because of InspireMeToday.com, the inspirational tweets I put out, and our mentoring program, many assume I have my life figured out completely. I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking that I do. I’m still human and I’m still learning too and that’s why I wanted to be real with you. I’ll never forget how much more I respected Jamie Lee Curtis when she allowed photos of her body to be published without retouching or make up.
I thought about not sharing my journey with anyone, let alone sharing it in a blog. But, there’s courage in numbers and you can help to hold me accountable. I also think that by sharing this, one of the most personal things in my life, our relationship becomes more real. Also, I’m guessing I’m not the only woman who feels this way, and in that vulnerability, we grow closer.
When I go to the gym, I don’t want to work with some trainer who has never had an ounce of fat on his or her body. They can’t relate to the emotional component that goes along with losing weight. Likewise, I’m not the type to boast to you a month from now about how I lost a bunch of weight. I choose to be vulnerable and open with you daily, through the ups and downs so we can help each other through times like this.
Yesterday when Dr. Leslie asked me to go weigh myself I felt such an inner panic for I knew that even though I hadn’t stepped on the scales in months, it wouldn’t be where I wanted it to be. It feels like this problem just sneaked up on me when I wasn’t looking. All of a sudden nothing fit. Even my big jeans wouldn’t fit and it sucks when you can’t get in your own pants!
Interestingly enough, I couldn’t find the scale! No meaning in that either, right?
When I finally did find it and gingerly stepped on it, the number was even worse than I feared. My first reaction was to sit down and cry. Seriously, how did I allow this to happen?
After a few deep breaths I decided right then and there to make a decision that would get me where I want to be, rather than beating myself up over where I am and how I got here. Instead of focusing on the size of my thighs, I’m choosing to focus instead on where I’m going.
I also know it takes inside work to get the outside result. I’ve always thought I was fat, and I manifested that exact thought. Now I get to use the same law in reverse and be grateful for my thin body- even before it is thin. For from that place of gratitude, I know the magic will appear.
Dr. Leslie and I sat down and made a plan. I know from our mentoring program that it takes 21 days to create a habit. Eating is a habit just like anything else, and I can do anything for 21 days- anything! Knowing that in 21 days I’ll have a new habit, I question, why have I waited this long to do this? Seriously, how difficult can this be? And then I remember the ups and downs of “dieting” for the last 20 years. But, how many times have I missed out on part of the pleasure of life because I’ve felt too fat or because I couldn’t fit into any of my cool clothing? Enough!
Yesterday was the first day on my journey to a new and improved me. If you’re still with me reading this, I’m inviting you to join me. If you need to tone up and become healthier, please consider joining me on this adventure. If you’re already fit then please join me with your support. I’ve decided to take the risk, and scary as it is, blog about this as we go. I’m also willing to share the information on what I’m doing and do a daily call with the team, if you’re interested in joining me.
What I know is this- I will fit into my jeans in two months. I don’t have the patience for this to take forever. I like instant gratification.
However, I’m realistic enough to know that this wasn’t created overnight, nor will it be solved overnight either. I’m staying focused on the benefits to self-esteem and health and celebrating it now. Dr. Leslie tells me that eating like this will give me boundless energy. So for those who thought it was too much already, watch out!
Last night when I’d decided to blog about this, I talked with my husband, Darryl. He has been so supportive of me and never once said, “Hey Honey, you’re getting a little bit pudgy”, when he certainly could have. And while I’m incredibly grateful for his support, I’m not doing this for anyone else but me. I want to be the best me that I can be so that I can be of the highest good to the planet. I can’t be there to help others if I’m not operating at 100%.
From this day on, I’m eating to live, not living to eat. I will follow Dr. Leslie’s suggestions and for the next 21 days, I will eat at least 10 fruits and 10 veggies each day before anything else. I will make exercise a regular part of my life again. And, I’ll blog each day for the next 21 days and keep you posted on my progress, frustration and success. I know the unwanted thoughts and pounds will fall off quickly.
Thank you for listening, for sharing and for caring. Please let me know if you want to get healthier with me! I so welcome your participation and support!
Day One Update:
Sunday was awesome. After an emotional roller coaster ride from frustration and self-loathing to a realization of gratitude and self-love, I know I’m on the right path. I only ate fresh fruits and veggies all day and I feel great! I was only able to eat 6 pieces of fruit and 7 veggies. I wasn’t hungry one time all day! I already feel lighter and excited at the possibilities. Stay tuned. ☺