I have a friend named Jamie who lives in a medium sized city where she doesn’t feel like she belongs, but she can’t relocate yet because of her husband’s work. For the last two years she’s tried to meet people but is convinced that there are no “cool people like her” in the entire city. My good friend Tom, who is really great, lives in the same area so yesterday I introduced them on the telephone and they set up a time to meet for coffee. Jamie agreed to meet with Tom because she really wants to meet new friends, but she already had expectations that Tom would “be like everybody else” in her city.
Jamie just called me to tell me that she’d been “stood up”. She said she’d waited 20 minutes, hadn’t heard anything from Tom, so she went home to walk her dog. When I asked if she called Tom’s cell and she told me she wasn’t “chasing anyone”. She said that if he wanted to talk with her he could call her. She also told me that she didn’t bring Tom’s cell number with her to the meeting. (You can see where this is going already, can’t you?)
I asked Jamie to imagine for a moment that Tom had lost her cell number, was running late, was stuck in traffic, or had one of a million other legitimate reasons for his delay. She adamantly told me that it wasn’t her problem and that she was going home to walk her dog, and again reiterated that she was right- there are no cool people where she lives.
As I hung up the telephone I wondered, how many times do we set ourselves up in this way? Our thoughts have great power to create our life. As Henry Ford said, “If you think you can or think you can’t, you’re right”. In this case Jamie is holding firm to her belief that there are no cool people in her town, and she’s right. She’s looking for experiences to confirm her belief and she keeps finding them. But, what if just for a moment, she believed that her town was full of cool people? My guess is that she’d start seeing them wherever she looked.
Have you ever bought a new car? You choose the make, the model and the color, all uniquely yours, and then all of a sudden, the world is full of that exact car and you see it everywhere! They were always there- you just weren’t tuned into seeing them.
In Jamie’s case, she’s looking for situations that will prove her right, instead of make her happy. Each day by holding onto her belief that there are no cool people in her city, she reinforces it with the events that she attracts into her life. The sad thing is, this isn’t what she wants and she doesn’t even know she’s doing it!
What beliefs are we holding onto that are contrary to what we really want? Do you say things like…“No matter what I eat, I can’t lose weight.” “My boss will never let me take that time off.” “I know he’ll be promoted before I am.” “My kids don’t know how to behave.” “My husband doesn’t appreciate me.” And the list goes on and on, with each comment or thought sending a message to the Universe to bring more circumstances like this to us.
Instead, try this on for size. Monitor your thoughts and your words for the next day. Just try it for 24 hours. Replace all the negative thoughts and words with positive ones. Just assume that “from your mouth to God’s ears” is true. Whatever you say will become your truth, and whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’ll be right. How does that change things for you? Can you see how just that little shift in your thinking can open doors that were otherwise closed? What do you have to lose by trying it, except some old beliefs that aren’t bringing you what you want anyway? Write and share your experience with us. We look forward to hearing about your success.
© Gail Lynne Goodwin