How to Learn to Love Yourself, Rather Than Abandon Yourself

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If I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I'd want to pass along to others...

  • When I was a young woman, I believed that life was about getting – getting love, approval, recognition, validation, money, success… getting what I thought I wanted. But if today were my last day of this planet, getting something would be the last thing on my mind.

    I would be focused on sharing love. That’s it. That’s all. That’s everything.

    There is a major confusion in our culture about love. Somehow, most people have come to believe it is getting love from another or others that feels the best, and they spend much energy trying to get love. They try to act right and look right and never make mistakes, because if they can be perfect, then they can get the love that will make them feel worthy and lovable.

    And many get it. They make a lot of money and people admire them. They become famous and people flocked to them. But somehow, the empty place inside that wants to be filled up with love remains empty. The American Dream of the house, the cars, the spouse, the kids, and the boat are not filling the empty place within.

    There is a huge difference between getting love and sharing love. Getting love is a temporary and addictive way of filling up, but it’s like eating junk food – it fills but doesn’t nurture. The only thing that is truly the most fulfilling of life’s experiences is the sharing of love, but there is a caveat here: You cannot share love unless you are first filled with overflowing love – and this does not come from another person.

    Overflowing love comes from consciously choosing to learn with your personal source of spiritual guidance about loving yourself. When your intention is to learn about loving yourself – rather than being to get love and avoid pain – your heart opens to your true source of love.

    When your intention is to have control over getting love and avoiding pain, you spend your energy trying to control others and outcomes, or trying to control your pain with various addictions. In trying to control getting love and avoiding pain, you abandon yourself, leaving yourself alone and empty inside. Self-Abandonment is the cause of much of the pain on our planet – from the addictive things we do to ourselves to the controlling and often very harmful things we do to others.

    The moment we abandon ourselves and try to control others, our heart closes down, creating anxiety, depression, anger, shame and emptiness. The moment we shift our intention, from getting love and avoiding pain to loving ourselves and others, our heart opens and becomes filled with the love, compassion, wisdom, truth, peace and joy of Spirit.

    If this were my last day on the planet, I would do what I seek to do each day: To connect with my source and love myself enough to be overflowing with love, so that I have love to share with others. For me, sharing love is what life is all about, up to the very last minute!

    Margaret Paul

    Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a relationship expert, best-selling author, and co-creator of innerbonding.com and ;the powerful Inner Bonding®; healing process, recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette and featured on Oprah. She has counseled individuals and couples, and led groups, classes, and workshops for the last 45 years, and continues to work on the phone and Skype with clients from all over the world. She is the author/co-author of eight books, including the internationally best-selling Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?, Healing Your Aloneness, Inner Bonding, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? In 2010, Margaret co-completed a 12 year project called SelfQuest®;, which is a transformational self-healing/conflict resolution software program. SelfQuest®; is being offered to prisons and schools and sold to individuals, families, and businesses - www.selfquest.com. In addition, Margaret offers a powerful relationship e-Course called The Intimate Relationship Toolbox as well as a Permanent Weight Loss course. Margaret has three children and three grandchildren. In her spare time, she loves to paint, read, make pottery, and ride her horse.

    For more information, please visit innerbonding.com.

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