Improve This Relationship, Improve Your Life

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If I could share 500 words to inspire, this is the important wisdom I'd want to pass along to others...

  • I am passionate about helping people create better relationships with themselves.

    I once asked an audience to write love letters. “Make them gush with adoration and affection!” I told them, and then added this: “Write the letter to yourself.” There was almost an audible gasp. I didn’t read them, but as people left, an older woman in tears told me she couldn’t come up with one thing. I was deeply saddened imagining what this state of inner desolation was creating in her outer experience.

    You see, life is an inside-out game. Our relationship with ourselves influences everything. How well we know, honor, nurture, forgive, and love ourselves is reflected back to us in all our outer experiences and relationships. When we can’t love, trust, or free ourselves from resentment, fear, shame, or guilt, we attract what resonates with that vibration. It’s Universal Law, understand it or not, believe it or not, like it or not.

    The solution? Inner discovery.

    A trip to the emergency room fearing I was having a heart attack was the catalyst for my own such journey. I uncovered sub-conscious victim mentality and feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness were running me inside while I wore masks of poise and confidence on the outside. The signs were there, I just wasn’t seeing them as such.

    Do any of the following feel familiar?

    Sub-Conscious False Beliefs

    • Work harder than others to be seen, heard and understood.
    • Family/friends/experiences will make me happy.
    • I am as valuable as titles, wealth, associates, knowledge and stuff.
    • My intellect/head is more valuable than my emotions/heart.
    • I’m here to nurture others and I don’t count.

    Reflections on My Life

    • Life was hard.
    • Happiness was elusive, fleeting, and never filled me up.
    • Constant chase for professional and personal success, never feeling fulfillment.
    • People in my life were emotionally unavailable.
    • People took from me and then abandoned me.

    The truth of the matter, of all matters, is our birthright as spiritual beings – “Image and Likeness” of God – Peace, Love, Joy and Freedom. This is who we really are and what we are meant to experience. When we experience lack, struggle, and sadness, there’s interference altering our vibration.

    Confucius said, “Wherever you go, there you are.” When something detrimental is within your “you-ness,” you can’t escape it until you dismantle the false beliefs that rooted it in place. Until you re-connect to inner Truth, your outer will be less than.

    If this is you, use this as your wake-up call rather than a heart attack, divorce, or bankruptcy. Engage in an ‘archeology of yourself.’ Without blame, shame, or guilt turn within. Dig deep.

    Uncover and surrender whatever no longer serves you, and get into a juicy love affair with you. Awaken to the perfection you already are so you can give yourself in service and in love to others, and receive the abundance of the Universe!

    Valerie Sheppard

    Valerie Sheppard is passionate about helping people experience more happiness, success and fulfillment. Using the 4-step process she created from her own journey of personal transformation, her clients are healing past wounds, overcoming obstacles, and empowering themselves to create more vibrant lives and thriving businesses. Valerie has a diverse coaching background spanning more than 25 years, including working with teens and adults, individuals and groups. She is a certified Sacred Contracts coach and Laughter Yoga leader, and has been trained in compassionate communication, spiritual direction and HeartMath. Valerie is a 2012 nominee for both the Orange County Business Journal’s Women in Business Award, and the 2012 National Association of Female Executives Rising Star Award. She is a national best-selling author with Greg S. Reid of Everything is Subject to Change, has been published in award-winning 11:11™ Magazine, Ezine, Divine Caroline™, and The Natural You™.  Her latest book, The Happy to Be ME! Handbook, is due out in 2014.

    For more information, please visit

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    1. Sarah
      Sarah says:

      I totally agree with this article, you need to take care of your spiritual, mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health before you can help others. One of the principles of natural justice states that you cannot give what you don’t have.
      We cannot blame ourselves for the wrong we have done, we need to forgive ourselves and positively impact the life of others. Sometimes, we are guided by terrible spirits to do harm to others or ourselves, we need to develop our spiritual well- being and guard ourselves from the negative vibes that are lose in our world.
      Think positive thoughts, love yourself and bash in the glory of God’s mercy to give you the strength to help those around you.

      • valeriersheppard
        valeriersheppard says:

        Hi Sarah, Thanks for sharing your perspective. Yes, taking care of our inner house should be our first priority. We fill ourselves up, THEN we are truly fit to give to others. So many people are trying to give from emptiness or half-fullness inside. It doesn’t serve them. It’s not selfish to spend time nurturing and loving yourself, as long as it’s done in a responsible manner. The more we do this, the more fortified we are for whatever the journey through life brings our way.
        Many Blessings, Love and Light!

        • Nada
          Nada says:

          Sarah and Valerie, do you think this applies in a case where a health practitioner is giving treatment? That if they are not healthy themselves they cannot help someone else get healthy?

          • valeriersheppard
            valeriersheppard says:

            Hi Nada,
            I tend to think that the more whole one is, the better able to help others claim their wholeness. I believe that’s true because the Divine Light, Love and Wisdom are more available to a whole person (meaning fully awake and available to their Spiritual self, not just the human ego). For that reason, I prefer to work with health practitioners who are actively working on themselves as a practice, not considering themselves “done.”

      • valeriersheppard
        valeriersheppard says:

        Greetings Laura. Yes, there can be wounds and darkness on the inside that we are afraid to confront. I found both, and I was amazed at what was there and from whence it had come. But I’m much better off having released it than having it running me sub-consciously any longer. I love talking about how to create happiness, but some people believe that creating more happiness is just about having more fun. In every case, my clients have some courageous introspection and healing to do before the happiness train can really leave the station. And as you so triumphantly point out, it’s worth it!! After the healings, they experience more deep and lasting happiness than they had ever felt before.
        Many Blessings, and thanks for your comment.

    2. PolH
      PolH says:

      I think I’ve found my favorite new life moto, “. Awaken to the perfection you already are so you can give yourself in service and in love to others, and receive the abundance of the Universe!”. Truly inspiring words Valerie, thank you for sharing ♥

      • valeriersheppard
        valeriersheppard says:

        🙂 So happy to hear it! We can only truly serve others when we’re overflowing, and that means we need to meet our own needs for love, compassion, healthiness, and peace first. Sending wishes for you to embody the moto and see how your life shifts! Many Blessings, and thanks for the comment! <3

    3. Lisa Elia
      Lisa Elia says:

      Great article! Valerie, you seemed to narrow in on exactly the negative, soul-crushing emotions so many people feel and may not even know is running their lives. Thanks for this!

      • valeriersheppard
        valeriersheppard says:

        Thanks Lisa! So wonderful to have your perspective. Yes, most people aren’t aware of the iceberg below the surface of their expression and experience. But with a little courage and effort, they can release it and move on! Blessings! Valerie

    4. valeriersheppard
      valeriersheppard says:

      Hi Amina,
      I appreciate your comment. Yes, conscious engagement with your inner world sets you up for wonderful and miraculous experiences in the outer. You’re worth the journey! Blessings, Valerie


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