How Can I Put the Past Behind Me?
"Dear Sara, I grew up in Canada in a dysfunctional family with alcoholism, emotional abuse and neglect, then moved with my family to New Zealand when I was a teenager. My mother was unable to show any love or affection and I have tried for many years to seek approval and my mother's love. My childhood and adolescence had a significant impact on my mental health and happiness. I thought I was a bad person until I completed a social work degree and realised that my mother was not capable of loving and learned about childhood conditioning. My sister was…
You Are Not Your Results
I like to think I was a control freak, but I guess I still am. Back in the old day I was a micromanager, taking responsibility for every aspect of a project even if it wasn’t mine. I would stay awake at night worrying about outcome. I would plan and scheme what else I could do to make the project work. Fortunately, for the most part, I have released much of those tendencies. My next challenge is releasing my focus on outcome for things that define success for me. Many a sage says to release the outcome. It is about the journey not the…
How to Enjoy Your Life Rather than Worry About It
Once upon a time, a man was walking through the jungle. Sensing a presence, the man looked over his shoulder and saw a tiger slinking through the foliage, following him. Quickening his pace, the fellow followed the path he was on until he reached a cliff. Looking back once again, he saw the tiger was still there and coming closer. Standing with his toes over the edge, the man noticed that there was a vine running down the cliff face and he swung out onto the vine in order to escape the tiger. Just as he quickly lowered himself down,…
School of HP: 5 Things Your Body Needs To Be Healthy
Every time we go on a beach vacation, to Mexico for instance, we end up at an all-inclusive resort. We love it because everything is taken care of. We don’t need to worry about cooking or what to do at night because all is provided. Just relax and recharge for a week or so and enjoy. Our kids love it, our friends love it, and we love it. There is one thing in particular, however, that I found intriguing, which made me understand what the body needs to be healthy and in proper working condition. Here is how that realization…
Deserving
So often we don’t we have what we want. Why? The more I think about this question and review my own life attitudes, the more I come up with the same answer: We don’t feel we deserve it. So many of us feel we must earn worthiness. Repeating Hail Marys, trekking to Mecca, toiling in the Amazon, writing incessantly, doing massive loads of laundry, cooking massive amounts of meals, denying ourselves massive amounts of what pleases us. Sometimes we think we can earn worthiness by stockpiling money, houses, fame, titles, awards, degrees, publications. When we’ve achieved these, we may look…
School of HP: Fathers Are Special!
Fathers are a special breed They are there to guide and lead To inspire and protect Point out cause and the effect Separate the wrong from right Show when it’s OK to fight Be the man who’s standing strong And kiss the boo-boo so it’s gone Fathers play so many roles They help us achieve our goals While sometimes forgoing theirs Because all they do is care So today, we as a nation Offer thanks in dedication As collectively we strive And give our dads the Highest Five!
Can I Choose to Stay Positive?
"I have been having a difficult time lately with staying positive. It seems as if there is so much going on that it's difficult to try and stay positive. I used to be happier... How can I get through the day being positive?" ~ Julie Hi Julie, Thanks for your question, I get this one a lot and I want you to know that even “Mr. Positive” isn't able to “Stay Positive” all the time! Even though your life is very busy here are three things you can do in ten minutes or less to immediately to shift your attitude when you are not feeling…
School of HP: A 5-minute Shower Meditation
Looking to add meditation to your routine but not sure how to fit it in? Try this 5-minute shower meditation! Stand under the shower at a comfortable temperature for you. Let the water fall gently on the top of your head. Take note of your thoughts and your breathing. Allow your mind to slowly shift focus from the magnitude of thoughts running through it. Instead focus on the sensation of the water running down your body. Hear the sounds that the water stream makes as it first hits the top of your head, then as it trickles down. Focus on how…
How Do I Become More Productive?
"Do you have any suggestions of tangible steps that I can take to help me fit everything on my "to do" list into my day? I feel like I need a 30 hour day!" ~ Jeff, Chula Vista, CA Dear Jeff, Unfortunately you cannot add more hours to your day, but you can get better R.O.T.I. (return on time invested) out of your day. Take the time to break up your day to fit your and your family's needs. First, determine when the most productive part of your day is. Then, dedicate one hour of your most productive time to…
Solving the Mystery of Letting Go
Sometimes the greatest truths are laid right before our eyes, in the simplest of things, and yet we just can't see them. Take for instance our own hands: what a miracle they are. If we consider for even a moment all they are capable of doing, it's evident that a great wisdom sits hidden behind their incomparable design. But, with this thought in mind, permit me to add one other to help us see another part of their special purpose that lies "hidden" in plain sight. What good would our hands be to us or, for that matter, to the…
How Can I Overcome My Fears?
"From the time I was a child, I've lived my life in fear. What if I lose my job? What if I can't pay the rent? What if I never find a wife? And so on... I'd greatly appreciate any insight on how I can let go of the fear and actually LIVE my life!" ~ Tim, Minneapolis, MN Dear Tim, As humans, we all deal with fear in one form or another. However, we can only focus on one thing at a time, so chose to focus on your dreams rather than the fear. In other words, focus on what you…
How Can I Control My Emotions?
"I know that I create my own reality with my thoughts, but sometimes when I'm sad I can't seem to change my thoughts - even when I want to. How to I start to take control of my life?" ~ Evelyn, Jacksonville, FL Dear Evelyn, There was a time I felt the same way you did. But a family member I trusted "SNAPPED" me out of it. Soon I realized that the sadness I was feeling was just an emotion I was internalizing. In other words, I was investing too much time into feeling sad until I clearly saw that…
Changes (Poem)
Our life is one of constant motion, forever changing like the ocean, Fearing the outcomes we cannot see, we stay where we are and constantly be, We stay in the pain of an old romance, we stay in the pain of not taking that chance, We stay in our grief of a love that has passed, not willing to move or let go of the past. We regret things we did, or did not do, we hold onto anger and emotional blues, We blame other people and then ourselves, for the hurt and the upset and our poor health. When…
How Do You Stay Married To a Liar?
"How do you stay married to someone who lies repeatedly to you and then twists things around when confronted?" ~ Joni, Agoura Hills, CA Dear Joni, Most of us wouldn’t tolerate someone intentionally being dishonest with us, whether it’s from the person we are dating, a family member, friend, coworker or even an acquaintance as that’s usually a standard cardinal rule deal-breaker in continuing most relationships. The difficulty lies (no pun intended) when it’s with our spouse or children. If it’s our children, we would love our way through it, teaching them about consequences, character, trust, kindness, compassion and the other…
How Self Esteem May Be Holding You Back
I recently read an interesting excerpt from the book NurtureShock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. The book focuses on teaching and parenting styles, but I think it also provides an interesting glance into the power of self-empowerment over self-esteem. Let me try to explain how I see the difference between self-esteem and self-empowerment. Self-esteem comes from the praise of others, therefore it is outside ourselves and something we can not control. Self-esteem is based on the belief in unchanging facts, like “you are smart.” Self-esteem is a noun. It is a descriptor. On the other…