As an adult I am learning to assume and model a healthy way to be there for someone in need. It is not to say that psychologists and counselors have all the answers, but most do have the skills of identifying behaviors and issues that are inherent in a rough patch in my or a close one’s life. Yes, there are consequences to being in a relationship with one who does not want to hear what you have to say or demean your feelings; however, we have to push as hard as we can to diminish the claim of being the cause of the problem; all in the role of keeping a frame of mind to be respectful and present.
We have to acknowledge there is no blame when a relationship splinters apart, even from what I think is a solvable problem. However, for example, we have been told in our generation now that it is far better for parents to separate, if they are no longer on the same agenda because the discord within the walls of the home is no longer tolerable. The same is true for all relationships that cause great discomfort. The confusion turns to anger which results in an insurmountable amount of pain for all.
The courage is to strive to find common ground for the parties so that they find the common thread and create a cure, together. It is not an overnight process, but we have to recognize that “We begin at the beginning!” At this juncture, the culprit has to accept the consequences of the other members of the family with whom he or she has shared their lives. They will stay totally supportive and responsive, dedicated to the culprit taking the chance that the recognition of the issue will make a total change, or, perhaps they will need to maintain space and create the distance they need to protect their own mental and physical health. No judgment, such as right or wrong; as all of us are different beings with diverse needs. Our levels of tolerance and acceptance are not the same either.
Nothing ever remains the same. Life moves on in a curious way. The family will always be connected, however, when change is needed, the system just has to rearrange itself and create new and different boundaries.
It is important to keep in mind that no one is responsible for your happiness but YOU. It is unfair to depend on someone to live for your needs. You have to define what is acceptable to you; then, you can find a partner or a friend to accept you and you them. Yes, change and movement are all a part of finding ourselves. Have the trust in your instincts. Say yes to what you already know. That is where the answers lie.