Bouncing with Style: Rant Windows

Letting go of bitterness: HAHAHA HAAHAHAHA HAHAHHAH!

Oh, sorry. That was my first reaction to writing about this topic, thanks to my wingman. Hmmmm. I thought to myself. How can I make anger and bitterness following divorce entertaining, empowering and not a stuffy lecture about how it’s going to give you cancer.

I did a bit of research on letting it go and the experts said I should feel it fully. Others should too.

I’m supposed to “give myself a rant window.” That’s a good name for my blogs. Rant Windows!  So here we go… let’s feel the full brunt of anger and bitterness together.

You rotten son of a b$tch… cheating piece of monkey poop… how could you do this… to our family… to me! I hope you are struck by lightening, not so you can die, but so you can get struck again and again until your rotting skin peels off!

Well, that was mildly satisfying: a temporary release of the steam behind the broken dream.  But it still hasn’t done it for me. Let’s see. Now it says to “Express your Anger and Bitterness to the person who offended you.”

I’m pretty sure my ex reads these posts, because that’s what I would do if I divorced a writer. So I’m reasonably sure I’m getting my point across there. I think it time to tackle the affair partner – after all she was my “friend” and started her relationship with my husband when I was pregnant and on bed rest with our second child.  That’s got me kinda bitter and angry (Gee? Ya think!!!)

I guess what I want to say to her is…. Congratulations! You won the booby prize! You are now the recipient of my leftovers. That ham sandwich that was moldering in the back of my fridge is now all yours. You get his anxiety, depression, minimal income potential, hair loss and bad back. Lucky you! As for us ever being friends: Kiss my A$$, you two-faced monkey poop girlfriend.

That was fun. That was really fun. I’m feeling a little better? Are you?

The next step it says to do is to remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you. They have a good point there. I’m supposed to visualize it blowing away in the wind as an act of kindness to myself.

I’m not a blowing-in-the-wind-kindness kinda gal, so I am going to imagine my anger and bitterness as an ungainly arctic penguin flopping miserably and on land, slipping and sliding in its own muck until it reaches the water and only then, washed clean and full of grace, swims away only to be eaten alive by a shark. Of course, the bitter angry penguin squawks, “Cheaters! Liars! Cheaters!” until the shark swallows it whole and all you hear is, “mmfreaters!  Mmmfliars!  mmfreaters!”  Now that’s a visual I can sink my teeth into…

I toyed with a few other visuals. Them rowing off into the sunset dropping an atom bomb over their canoe. Visually really lights up the night sky.  Then I thought about them kissing at the top of the Eiffel Tower as a rogue French earthquake shakes just the two of them off and they impale on gates just far away from each other to die alone and not injure any innocent tourists. Even in my bitter-angry fantasies, I am concerned with innocent bystanders. Good for me.

I must say I feel a lot better.  I hope you do toi. I think making whimsy of the situation really takes the sting out. In fact, I am going to take some precious me time and have some fun with said imagery.

Bouncing with Style means taking your painful moments and having some fun with them. Maybe you use a rant window. Maybe you regale your gal pals with your silly re-renderings of your Picasso Blue Period. Or maybe it’s just sharing a chuckle with someone like me who has walked that path before you and not only gives you a hand up from your own muck but also laughs at your dirty knees!