For a long time, I thought the formula for a good life was setting and meeting goals, achieving, being good, being nice, being perfect, hiding vulnerability and weakness, and not making mistakes.
What I’ve learned from my life experience and from my research with people who live great lives is that a good life is just the opposite-and these six key elements are key:
YEARN–Life isn’t about getting what you want or meeting your goals; it’s about following your deeper yearning.
I was good at meeting goals–being a good student, succeeding at my career, losing weight–but meeting goals didn’t make me satisfied and happy. It was only when I learned to guide my life by the yearnings underneath my goal-chasing–to love and be loved; be seen, heard, known, touch and be touched; to matter; to make a difference–that I was fulfilled. Rather than waiting to achieve a goal, I could meet my yearnings in the moment–and ironically, I accomplished more goals!
ENGAGE-Be messy. Get hurt. Make mistakes. Be embarrassed. Risk. Be made fun of. Be in the moment, be spontaneous, live unedited.
As a recovering uptight person, I can tell you life is more fun when you live it full out. Being good, being right, looking cool, and not making mistakes aren’t the secrets to happiness. Life is a playground– play hard and be willing to get hurt, screw up, be out there, and have fun.
REVELATE–Look for your “BS”–your bulls#*t and your faulty Belief Systems. Wake up and live consciously.
We all have limiting beliefs that keep us from fulfilling our potential and rationalizations, excuses, and indulgences in soft addictions that dim our consciousness and keep us stuck. (My culprits: my mistaken belief of I have to be perfect to be loved and my (former!) soft addictions of over shopping, watching TV, and poring over catalogs.) Uncover your unconscious programming and habits that keep you from the life you yearn for. Challenge your limiting beliefs and behaviors–
open up, seek out tough feedback, and live consciously.
LIBERATE–Live Bold. Break the Rules.
I tried hard to obey the rules, be good, be nice, and not make waves, but it was only when I was willing to break rules, overcome limiting beliefs, and not strive to conform and fit in, that I broke free to live my dreams. People who live spectacular lives make growth choices, not safe ones. Risk being censured and attacked. Say the unsayable, do the impossible. Be bold, daring, audacious.
REMATRIX–Change your mind and your brain, and you can change your life.
I needed to do more than change my mind–I had to change my brain to change my life! To make lasting changes we have to activate our brain’s neuroplasticity to build new neural circuits–to build new beliefs, feelings, actions–and that takes intention, focused attention, stretching at the edge of our ability, and continuous repetition. Take charge of your life and reprogram yourself with empowering beliefs, feelings, and behaviors. Consciously engage in your own transformation!
DEDICATE–Embrace it all.
I used to think that only the good stuff mattered–when things worked out, I did well, or I was happy. Now I know that everything is part of the transformational journey–ups and downs, successes and failures, fear and joy, hurt and love, despair and bliss. Embrace all life’s experiences and feel them fully–cry crocodile tears, tremble with fear, shake with anger, and bubble with joy. If you can deal with your feelings and encourage yourself through the challenges, you don’t need to avoid life. Dedicate to a constantly evolving, fully-lived life!
There is greatness in all of us, yet we need to activate and develop that greatness to become who we could become. When we do, life is an exciting adventure of perpetual transformation, great love, fulfillment, and service.