“Who do you think you are?”
This wasn’t so much a question as a challenge I heard throughout my early life. It came from a lot of different people. It stopped me dead in my tracks, for a long time, from honestly living the answer.
When I was 14, my mother died. I have never been able to determine if my life would have been better had she lived. I only know that it would have been different, but I always remember her believing in my ability and encouraging me to be, well, me.
Who do you think you are?
Most of my life seemed to be about bumping up against this question, or at least for sure the people who were asking it. The crazy part is that on the outside there was something that would drive me to ‘do things differently’ – you would think that I would just shut up and fit in, right?
But something bigger than me (I’ve come to know it as my purpose) always had me one step off/up-ahead. But inside I was dying a slow, sliding death – questioning myself, mismanaging my money and setting up patterns that would keep me from only going so far….
No matter what I said, did or achieved the overall feeling I had was that there just wasn’t a seat for me at the table.
I didn’t believe I really deserved a seat. I mean, “Who did I think I was?”
Then I made the first significant change that would begin to transform my life. The change to come was with my heart.
Soon after I turned 30 the man I was dating at the time ended our relationship with the words, “I never really loved you.” Ouch. Here’s the kicker: this was the third man in my life that had said those exact words to me – in two years. This time I got the message. And before I was even ready… I met my future husband.
I have learned that just when you think you have it figured out and believe that you are in control, the universe sends you something (or someone) to move you to the next level faster than you could go there on your own.
If you are open.
Once I made this decision, life began to move very quickly for me. The intuitive gifts that I had denied for so long flourished. My talent to teach, guide and coach began taking my students and clients to places of major transformation. And I began to really tackle my sense of self-worth.
Even though I was a talented healer and teacher, I would continue to sabotage my own financial success. I was still waiting for a seat at the table.
Then I was given a powerful message: “You are the healer of healers.” I suddenly knew that a person could wait forever to be invited to the table. Whether we are waiting for the invitation to come from our parents, families, people with more money, society… it doesn’t matter – the only way to get a real, genuine, solid oak seat at the table is to CLAIM it.
You can be as gifted as the cow in the moon and if you don’t KNOW to the CORE of YOUR KNOWING that you truly deserve your seat andthat you can have ANYTHING YOU WANT while you are at the table, then, ironically, you are not offering all that you came here to give.