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“My husband and I keep getting hit hard financially. One bad break after the next, I feel like I’m drowning. It has to get taken care of, so it will, but how do I go about life without feeling totally defeated?” ~ Laura, Louisville, KT

Dear Laura,

It is such a challenge not to say “No!” when life circumstances show up in a way that you don’t prefer. The game is to leave your history alone and move forward. When you judge yourself or others for why things are the way they are, then things get heavy and it makes it so much more difficult to simply fully engage in taking action to resolve the situation (in this case, financial concerns).

Many people think that the only way to insure that they don’t repeat a “bad” behavior or repeat getting into debt, for example, is by being hard on themselves and chastising themselves or anybody related to them. This is not true. Being kind to yourself is key. The time you spend complaining to yourself about what you have done or haven’t done is time spent not discovering solutions because you can only do one thing at a time – complain or find a solution.

Here is a simple tip: Start Small and Keep Going.

Start handling those little incompletions in your life and your worries will become manageable or even disappear. 
If you are really there while you are doing even the most mundane of activities, such as washing the dishes or sweeping the floor or answering emails, you’ll be back in the flow of your life and a stronger version of yourself. This will empower you to tackle even the most challenging of circumstances.

You can either put your attention on your self-recriminating (or blaming) thoughts or take care of what is right in front of you. Here is an example of how one woman turned around her debt and discovered well-being in the process. You may also find the following episodes of our Being Here radio show supportive: Money and The MomentMoney MattersLiving a Complaint Free, Drama Free LifeWealth as a LifestyleLiving In A Drama-Free Zone; and Driven to Drama.

Ariel and Shya Kane

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Since 1987, Ariel and Shya Kane have touched the lives of millions through their transformational seminars and top-rated internet radio show/podcast Being Here. Their practical approach to everyday well-being allows people to be productive, effective and satisfied in all areas of their lives.

From their ground-breaking books Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work, Practical Enlightenment, How to Have A Match Made in Heaven – A Transformational Approach to Dating, Relating and Marriage, winner of the Mom’s Choice Book Award (and available in Spanish and German), How to Create a Magical Relationship, gold medal winner of the Nautilus Book Award, and Being Here: Modern Day Tales of Enlightenment, to their speaking engagements at the United Nations Society for Enlightenment and Transformation and Alternatives – the UK’s premier venue for some of the biggest names in the mind, body, spirit world – Ariel & Shya continue to reach audiences hungry for the possibility of a life filled with ease, well-being and satisfaction.

Their acclaimed seminars in New York City, Germany and Costa Rica open up previously unseen possibilities in people’s lives, allowing them to live the life of their dreams. You can learn more about their seminars, their latest book Being Here...Too, Short Stories of Modern Day Enlightenment, available now on, and sign up for their Excellence Club email newsletter at

For more information, please visit

This Post Has 69 Comments

  1. Wow, reading the answer to Laura’s question was so helpful for me. Not only because it supported me in ways to handle my own finances, but also because it reminded me how important it is to be kind to yourself. I feel lighter and easier after reading this – thank you!

  2. This is a great reminder to bring my attention on the things in front of me instead of thinking about how life should be different. I am going to listen to those radio shows you suggested for more goodies. Thank you!

  3. Thanks Laura for asking this question and thanks Ariel & Shya for the answer! These useful and practical tips – including being kind to myself rather than the automatic reaction to be hard on myself when a “bad” habit shows up – are very liberating and a huge support.

  4. I love this point of view Ariel and Shya. It’s great to remember tqhat dwelling on the past just isnt relevant to this time we are in now. Also, I’ve noticed that I’d prefer to work for a boss (me) who is kind and respectful. Thanks again for being there for me when I was going thru a challenging financial time. You inspire me all over again.

  5. I really enjoyed reading the Kanes’ response to this question. It’s a great reminder to take care of what is right in front of me. I also was inspired by the tip to “start small and keep going.” What a supportive and enlivening approach!

  6. Great question!… and…The Kane’s answer is so simple. Taking care of what is in front of me rather than putting my attention on self-recriminating thoughts is a kinder, (and more FUN) way to live my life. Hope you have a chance to check out the radio shows… I especially liked, “Money & the Moment”.

  7. This article came just at the perfect moment for me, thank you so much! Not being complaining about what showed up in my life but taking care of what is right in front now at this moment in my life is exactly the best. This morning life became again 3dimensional and I loved to start into my day. Thank you!!!

  8. I really enjoy the Kanes’ insights–being kind to myself–it translates into richness and sweetness all around and I am more productive without really trying!
    I love their workshops and radio show.

  9. Hi,

    I really love your positive approach to getting financial commitments back in good shape. It is so true, I can either complain about my situation or I can find solutions! Great advice. In my life, I had always grown up thinking that credit card bills were a way of life. Buy what you want and pay later. Only after listening to your radio shows, did I see that I could/should put off what I wanted until I could afford it! That was a new concept for me and one that has become so important to me! Thank you for your inspiration and fresh look at life! All my best, Corinne

  10. Wow! What a great answer! I had no idea how the they would answer Laura’s question, and I love their answer. Ariel and Shya have a way of explaining things, in a way which I can immediately grasp. They are truly AWESOME guides. Thanks for asking that question, Laura.

  11. The Kanes’ response to Laura’s question is really helpful to me. For me, right now, the “drowning” feeling is not associated to a financial struggle but to a struggle with time. I see that their response is totally applicable to my situation also. One thing at the time with full engagement, and it will all get done.

  12. Thanks for the reminder that getting started somewhere, anywhere, puts you so much closer to your goal!

  13. I love the suggestion being kind to yourself. And to handle one thing after the other – it makes my life so much easier 🙂 Thanks for the great article!

  14. Love it! Start anal and keep going – is key for me! Thank you so much for you easy access to a fullfilled life 🙂

  15. Thanks for the inspiring article! I love the idea that being kind to yourself is key. Such a nice reminder to be gentle and loving not just to others, but also to myself!

  16. This was such an inspiring article! I love the idea of being kind to yourself and just doing what’s in front of you – I’ve already seen and handled some incompletions in my life after reading this – and it was easy! Thank you!

  17. Your suggestion to “Start Small & Keep Going” is so simple but so powerful -seems it can be put to good use any time there is a “no” to what is showing up – thanks. Awesome! And thank you, Laura, for asking your question – otherwise I might not have seen this.

  18. Wow! This article was written for me. I was struggling with some things this morning and then found this great article. Especially the “not saying no” helped me out. Saying YES to your life and being kind to yourself are such powerful tools as simple as they might appear! Thank you very much!

  19. Loved this articel as it opened me up to see areas I find incomplete & being kind to myself as the key! Thanks!

  20. I love how your advice is different than all the “10 steps to financial freedom” you see everywhere that doesn’t seem to work. Nobody talks about being present and being kind to yourself as a solution to this kind of issue except you guys. This approach has really, really worked for me. Thank you!

  21. I love it! So true! Getting re engaged in your life is just such a positive, productive act that really works!

  22. Start small and keep going. That’s smart and feasible! In many situations, finances, dating, projects… I love it. Thank you!

  23. Thank you so much for the inspiring article. It is so good to be kind to myself. Then I am more alive, more productive and more effective. And happier too! I like: Start small and keep going!!! The workshops and the radio shows “Being here” makes a big difference in my life! Thank you so much!

  24. Wonderful article! It’s amazing how easy things are, when you are simply with them. We just had a tax audit and instead fighting with our tax inspector we had fun getting things together with her.

  25. Thanks so much for this article-
    What a practical life-shifting message!
    I love being reminded to be kind to myself-
    How simple and profound! 🙂

  26. This post is perfect for me. I am getting ready to move out of my parents home and that means taking on more expenses such as rent. I have the thought that I could have saved more money or I won’t be able to do everything I want when I have to start paying rent. But talking to myself about what isn’t or what can’t be changed doesn’t allow me to enjoy what’s right in front of me. Instead I can look for solutions, rather than think of how I wish it were different. I love the idea about handling those little incompletions. It’s amazing how much those little things can add up and occupy my time. Thank you Ariel & Shya, I love attending your seminars and I look forward to seeing you soon!

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