“Could you please share with me how can I get over my past mistakes and actions? 7 months ago I had a terrible fight with a friend of mine, whom I had feelings for. It was a long distance relationship. Due to anger and rage, I communicated harsh words to her. I tried apologizing but she’s not ready to take my calls and has blocked me off all social networking sites and hasn’t communicated since.
I terribly feel her absence and I’m down with guilt. Every day thoughts of her keep running through my mind. I feel that if I’d not said those words to her, we would have still been friends. She’s a great person to talk to and be around with… She’s moved to my city and I want to meet her in person to apologize and seek forgiveness, to get over with myself. I’m not sure if she’s interested to continue. But could you please suggest how I can take this forward, as it’s causing a lot of mental and psychological pain.” ~ Neo, United States
Thank you for opening your heart and mind to healing this relationship. Clearly it matters a great deal to you. In the heat of anger, many of us don’t use the filters that keep harsh words from coming out and feel deep sadness and remorse for expressing them; so know that you are not alone. It’s kind of like a feather pillow; once the feathers fly out, it’s hard to gather them up and stuff them back in. Your friend has felt the impact and has taken a step back to heal as well. Has she actually verbalized not wanting contact, or have her actions expressed that to you? You have respected her enough to let go at the moment.
One thing that I have done when challenges have arisen in my relationships is to use the ancient Hawaiian wisdom of Ho’oponopono that focuses on healing and reconciliation. It is a way of reaching out to someone in the fullness of your heart, even if you are not in their presence. It incorporates 4 statements that you repeat as often as you would like. They are: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. As you say them to her, you are also saying them to yourself, since you have shared that you are seeking relief as well. Self-compassion is an important part of the process too.
Another technique is to write a letter to her, saying everything you would say if she were standing in front of you. You need not send it. You might also visualize her with you and send loving thoughts. Thoughts are powerful and can travel great distances. Sometimes the longest is between our hearts and those of others; but it’s well worth traversing. The toughest part might be surrendering outcome for the Highest Good. I have seen miracles occur when I have done these things and recommended them to clients.
Wishing you the peace you desire.