Working on Yourself Doesn’t Work – Being Here Does.
The moment we stopped working on ourselves to get "better", our lives instantaneously transformed. This has profoundly impacted everything. What we have learned is not to take ourselves so seriously and to not work so hard to get somewhere. We have been raised in a forward-thinking culture where we have learned that something in the future will produce the sense of well-being or "OKness" that we all strive to achieve. It is this very striving, we've discovered, that produces dissatisfaction. The constant need to achieve what we think is better than what we have in the current moment stresses our…
Harry’s Perfect Moment, A Tale of Practical Enlightenment
It was a Monday morning and Harry swung his legs over the side of the bed. He knew something was different, but he had no idea that today he would have a “perfect” moment. Donning his cotton robe, Harry made his way to the kitchen and started his day like he always did by preparing breakfast for his wife and two young sons. He got out the usual supplies – knife, cutting board, bowl and fruit – and laid them on the butcher-block center island. Suddenly the morning took a new twist. There was a break in his routine. The…
In This Moment You Are A Perfect You
Where did you learn what a perfect body looks like? Where did you learn what is beautiful? Where did you learn what is ugly? How old were you when you came to these conclusions? We were walking down the street in Paris several years ago to find ourselves taken by a body image considered to be "beautiful." We were looking at the street lamps in front of the Paris Opera House. Built in the mid-1800's, those lamps are supported by statues of naked women. These castings done in the Neo-Baroque style are curvy with rounded bellies and by today's standards…
The Zen Master and the College Professor: Letting Go of What You ‘Know’
Transformation, self–realization, enlightenment – is not understandable through what you already know. In fact, what you already "know" is keeping you from discovering what is possible. There is a story that demonstrates this idea: There once was a college professor who was interested in learning about the study and practice of Zen. He decided that the best way to do this was to find a Zen master to interview. Being struck with an inspiration, the professor did his research and found one on the Internet by Googling, "Zen Master". The professor shot off an email and made an appointment. On…
How to Drop the Drama and Enjoy Your Life
Our client, Cindy, was returning to work in just 2 weeks after a long hiatus. She had requested an individual session because, for no apparent reason, her life had become "dramatic". Perhaps you are familiar with this phenomenon. This is when perfectly normal situations appear to be larger than life and oh–so–dramatic. You go to the fridge and find there is no more milk for your coffee and it is grounds (pun intended) for a major melt down. You have a headache and suddenly an aspirin won't do – its time to plan an operation for your rapidly growing brain…
A Berry Picker’s Guide to Dating
All of the local kids I knew picked berries during the summer to make spending money and some to pay for school clothes and supplies in the year ahead. I started picking berries for money at the age of 6. Over the years, I worked the season: first strawberries, then raspberries, a short crop of boysenberries (by far the easiest), marionberries or blackcaps, then blackberries. My aunt Joyce took me with her to the berry fields to "help out" at her summer job and after a full day of picking strawberries, (many of which made their way into my mouth)…
Should I Relight This Old Flame?
"I am very confused about a man who loves me very much. We had a relationship for three years and I ended it. He was facing homelessness and so I took him in. A part of me wants the relationship and another part says don't go there. Help!" ~ Debra, Philadelphia, PA Dear Debra, You say the man loves you very much but nowhere do you say that you love him. You also say, “A part of me wants ‘the’ relationship” but we suspect it is more likely the case that you want ‘a’ relationship. Many times people settle. They…
How to Enjoy Your Life Rather than Worry About It
Once upon a time, a man was walking through the jungle. Sensing a presence, the man looked over his shoulder and saw a tiger slinking through the foliage, following him. Quickening his pace, the fellow followed the path he was on until he reached a cliff. Looking back once again, he saw the tiger was still there and coming closer. Standing with his toes over the edge, the man noticed that there was a vine running down the cliff face and he swung out onto the vine in order to escape the tiger. Just as he quickly lowered himself down,…
How Can I Respond to Financial Obstacles Positively?
"My husband and I keep getting hit hard financially. One bad break after the next, I feel like I'm drowning. It has to get taken care of, so it will, but how do I go about life without feeling totally defeated?" ~ Laura, Louisville, KT Dear Laura, It is such a challenge not to say “No!” when life circumstances show up in a way that you don’t prefer. The game is to leave your history alone and move forward. When you judge yourself or others for why things are the way they are, then things get heavy and it makes…
Your Past Doesn’t Have to Determine Your Present
In today's world, where technology has eclipsed our humanity, many of us are looking for a way to operate in our lives with a day-to-day sense of excellence and wellbeing, a way that fulfills our spiritual nature. People have tried different religions or disciplines with varying degrees of success or failure. They have taken motivational workshops to try to discover some meaning to apply to their lives and many have come away wondering, "Is this all there is?" This vague sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction can permeate our lives, even when we accomplish the goals we set for ourselves. People…
You Can’t Do It Alone: The Power of Community
It is only in the most recent history that people subscribe to the ideal of "independence," of doing it on your own, of not needing anybody to support you. And in concept, this may be a good idea but only as a concept. We have millions of years of a genetic heritage that argues for community and we have maybe 75 to 100 years that argues for independence. Human beings have survived out of their interdependence, not their independence. When infants are born they are completely helpless and would surely perish if not for the love and care given by…