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“I want to improve the relationship with my wife, but I don’t know where to start. We’re best friends, but I want the spark back that we had 20 years ago. Do all relationships get to this point and is it unrealistic to think that passion can last forever?”

It’s time to create romance by adding more “love languages” to your relationship! There are seven ways you show love to your mate. Get playful and start using them in unexpected ways. You’ll have a ball and she’ll be swept of her feet!

1. Words of Affirmation. Tell her what you love about her! What makes you laugh out loud? What to you brag about when you describe her to others? What do you enjoy most when you’re together?

2. Schedule Quality Time. Do something you both enjoy together! Just spending time together doing the same thing gives you shared memories to enjoy. Ask her what she enjoyed most about the TV show you just watched and tell her what grabbed your attention and why you’d watch it again. Sharing quality time creates new connections and shared experiences that enrich your life.

3. Give Gifts. It can be something small and silly or something thoughtful. Random gifts are a pleasant surprise.

4. Provide Acts of Service. Do something different for her to show you care. Maybe you always take out the trash, but you rarely do the laundry. Volunteer to do the laundry and fix her favorite meal when she isn’t expecting it. Actions often speak louder than words – but explain that you’re doing this to show her how much you appreciate her.

5. Summarize Something for her. A simple checklist helps to organize your thoughts and reminds you to take effective action. Brainstorm with her to co-create useful checklists and visual reminders of things you both want to accomplish. Dress it up with fun colors, stickers, and pictures that illustrate the outcomes you’ll receive when the checklist is complete. According to the book, The Checklist Manifesto, checklists improve productivity by 40%. Everyone will notice the improved quality of life – and she’ll love you for it.

6. Provide Collaboration Options. Make it easy for your wife to participate. For example, when you’re at a party, publicly encourage your wife to share a story about something that happened. Make room for her in a way that leverages her natural communication preferences: visual, auditory or kinesthetic.

7. Leverage Physical Language. Connect with her by touching her hand, holding a door open for her, looking deeply into her eyes and smiling – physical touch is vital for good emotional health. Chat with your wife to find out where she most loves to be touched. When you say “I love you” does she really feel it when you’re in front, on the right, on the left or behind her? Explore together little hand signals that are your private language. Be silly with some of your gestures too. There’s nothing that illustrates togetherness more than your special secret codes!

Elaine Starling

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Elaine founded Promise Power because she believes that each person is endowed with a passion and a unique reason for being. As we harness that passion, we can achieve great success—however we choose to define it—and use our talent to help others find the light within themselves. Elaine was inspired to create Promise Power in 2006 when she saw the need for unique tools that help people pay attention to their dreams so they will take action that makes them come true. Her determination to inspire millions of women to fulfill their promises drives Elaine to share her experiences and learning.

With over 23 years of international advertising experience, Elaine started Starling Media Services, Inc. to support clients who need strategically integrated media and marketing plans. She brings a strong customer focus to her work and delights in engaging stakeholders to create innovative solutions that address specific challenges. Her clients range from high tech to consumer goods, video games, and business-to-business firms.

Elaine has served as President and Board Member of Women In Consulting and is actively involved in the American Marketing Association. An engaging public speaker and prolific author, Elaine has written numerous articles and is currently working on her book, Maximize Your Promise Power.

To fulfill her own promise, Elaine and her husband moved to the Sierra foothills where she hikes, cares for her vineyard and orchard, and makes wine.

For more information, please visit

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