“For 9 years I have felt irresistibly attracted to a man who is married. This situation occupies my mind and I need him to be in my life. I tried to avoid him but we always meet again. We like each others’ company. What to do to really get him spending more time with me to talk things over? Can this be a real relationship or is it meant to stay an in-between? Others think this situation is really weird, but there is special reason why we are attracted to each other to both our evolution. What is he willing to do to be honest with this situation in his marriage? Is his marriage meant to continue on this basis? What about his wife?” ~ Anny, Bruges, Belgium
I can hear that you are attracted to and have loved this man for many years and feel that you need him to be in your life, even though he is married to someone else. I also hear that you’d like to know if there is a way to make a relationship work while he is still married.
Nine years of your life have passed and, as attracted as he may be, and as much time as he may want to spend with you, the truth is that he hasn’t chosen to end his marriage, which indicates that it’s unlikely he will. As long as he chooses to remain married, he is simply emotionally and legally unavailable.
The most important question to ask yourself is, “What is it that I wish to experience in a relationship?”
This answer to this question is critical because, unless you are crystal-clear about what you really want to experience, you will settle for what you think you can get, which may not be what you truly desire or deserve.
For example, is what you want to experience an “in-between” arrangement or a fully committed relationship where you have the experience of being loved and cherished by the man you choose to love? Are fidelity, honesty, and the security of knowing that the person you are with wants to be with you and only you are important to you?
Only you know what your heart truly desires.
It’s evident that you love him, Anny, but it’s important that you love yourself even more and that you choose to honor your heart’s desires.
As you become clear about what it is you really want to experience inside of a relationship, the choice of whether to continue with or end this relationship will also become clear. In choosing, remember to make the choice that honors you, acknowledges your true heart’s desire, and leaves you feeling the most loved and fulfilled. Only then can you attract into your life someone who is willing to do the same.
You deserve to be loved, honored, cherished, and adored every day of your life, Anny. There’s no need to settle for anything less!
Lots of love,