Divine order rules! A doubt-inducing childhood, a sweet young husband’s early death, countless broken hearts and flawed careers, were all perfectly designed to get me where I came here to go; to help me evolve to my highest state of grace, to know God, and to become who I became.
I mostly forget this.
When I’m on path and in alignment with divine order, I feel of use to the greater message, the larger truth, the highest good. It moves through me like a ray of light piercing everything, a laser beam opening my heart, filling the pages of my books, conversations with clients, and classrooms where I stand in front. None of it comes from me, a flawed human like everyone else here. I just finally get out of the way.
When I forget about divine order, nothing makes sense. My sadness is legendary. My hunger is hopeless. Heartbreak brings me to my knees in despair. Everyone betrays me; my mother, brother, sister, lover, friend. I am a boat without a mooring. Fear blocks my inner voice. My mind tricks me. I let it.
When I remember the loving God-ness of our universe, my heart breaks wide open. Sacred wisdom pours through me and showers the world in diamonds – each one forged from the fire of tremendous loss. Forgiveness abounds. I feel held by the angels.
I adore my mother, brother, sister, lover, friend. I see their painful stories, their enormous grief and astounding gifts. I see how hard they’ve tried, how endlessly they’ve worked. I adore them all. The sound of their laughter is the sweetest sound I’ve ever known. I lift the veil and see into the other realms vividly. I speak out loud to my departed dad, to Paul, Crissie and Marv. It’s all good, they whisper. Very good….
When I cross over, I want YOU to say, her wisdom helped me. Just a touch, just a moment of illumination is everything, she told me. I believed her. I will always remember this.
What I know to be true is this: Our pain is on purpose. Our joy is the gift. Our heart is all that matters. Our mind is a great monkey loose in the forest and running amuck; he must be tamed.
Our truth is inside – always. It’s the inner voice that only speaks loud enough when we turn within, tame the savage monkey mind, pull away from the surface, and surrender assumptions; when we dip a trembling hand into the deepest water that terrifies us most and we help someone who is drowning right beside us.
WHAT I’m trying to say is that even when we don’t know it, when we feel completely alone, there are people who are part of our soul posse who show up in our hour of greatest need and help us in ways we may never know and never see. These soulmate agreements are always working in our favor; even when we feel hopelessly abandoned, they’re standing where they should be standing and lending a hand in just the way that will save us.
And mostly it’s only at the end of our life or in brief glimpses of the divine that we fully see this luminous connection, this brilliant pattern, and know that it’s real and that we’ve always been held in grace. This final knowledge breaks us wide open in speechless, awestruck gratitude – even as we take our last gasping breath and our bodies disintegrate into a million shards of light.