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Looking back on my life it’s easy to see that all of it was perfect – that is, from here. It certainly didn’t feel that way when I was crawling through hell to get to this side of heaven.

We all have stories of pain. In fact it seems to be that very pain that points us in the direction of what we’re here to do. Look closely at where you hurt because under that pain lives a purpose and a mission.

Little did I know that the trauma and loss I experienced as a child and as a young woman was serving as a training ground for how to help others find their way out of darkness.

Whatever your struggle, your pain, your loss, know that there is something of value in all experience. And know — really and truly — that you are not what happens to you. You are so much more than that.

The first time I heard, “You are not what happens to you,” my life shifted in an instant.

I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that what happened to me in my past, was not me — not the essence of me. I was not a victim, nor would I live the life of a victim. The self-judgments that I’d allowed to define me and my choices, that I felt shackled to, began to release, and there was freedom inside of me for the very first time.

You also are not what happens to you. You are so much more magnificent! When you hold onto judging yourself for what happened, or judging someone for what they did to you, you carry the past like a clamp around your heart. Forgiveness frees you to give and to receive love – to joyously do what you came here to do.

I’m not suggesting that you forgive your actions or the actions of others. That is not your job. Rather, that you forgive how you judge those actions. Forgiveness isn’t about thwarting responsibility or encouraging unkind behavior, rather it’s a practice for letting go of your obstacles to loving.

The following forgiveness process has literally changed thousands of lives! I assure you that it will change yours, if you open to it and apply it with a loving intention. Place your hand over your heart and say the following statement:

“I forgive myself for judging myself AS_______.” Fill in the blank with your judgments, one judgment at a time.

Then, “I forgive myself for judging ________AS____________.” Fill in the blank with the names of others you judge and the judgments you hold against them.

I can’t think of a more powerful act of service than forgiveness. While it might seem that you’re assisting some higher agenda by punishing yourself or others with judgments, you’re only choking off your natural flow of love. Nobody ever became a better person by judging what they did.

Forgive freely and forgive every day, and love will flow to you and from you, like a river in Spring.

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Karen Brody, M.A, is known as The Love and Intimacy Coach.

As a coach, Karen is considered one of the best in the country. It is her mission and passion to help men rediscover the power and beauty of masculinity and to embrace women deeply and confidently — so that they can enjoy relationships that are passionate, loving and sexually satisfying.

Karen’s own journey of sexual healing gives her exceptional insight and empathy. Karen is a master at illuminating and removing men’s obstacles to deep sexual and loving connection with women.

Her private coaching, classes and products challenge men to meet the feminine with confidence, humor and great pleasure.

For more information, please visit

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. I wrote a blog very similar to this one a while back and did a video. Thank you for your post. I enjoyed reading it.

  2. It is true that we should not carry bitterness within us about something that happened in the past.I like the advice u provided about giving a positive perspective to the mind regarding the negative response that it has developed to overcome the pain from the past.Writing a positive note and recollecting it several times during the day helps me cleanse my mind.I practise this method too and find it very beneficial to me.

  3. Karen, thank you for that message. I am great at telling others that but when it comes to telling myself that I am no good. I can see clearly now (not that I didn’t know it already) what I must do. It has always been so hard for me to accept me and forgive me but so easy to do it for others. Again thanks so much.

  4. I wonder where honesty fits into all this, being your self and expressing your genuine feeling to others.

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