Skip to content

I am passionate about helping people create better relationships with themselves.

I once asked an audience to write love letters. “Make them gush with adoration and affection!” I told them, and then added this: “Write the letter to yourself.” There was almost an audible gasp. I didn’t read them, but as people left, an older woman in tears told me she couldn’t come up with one thing. I was deeply saddened imagining what this state of inner desolation was creating in her outer experience.

You see, life is an inside-out game. Our relationship with ourselves influences everything. How well we know, honor, nurture, forgive, and love ourselves is reflected back to us in all our outer experiences and relationships. When we can’t love, trust, or free ourselves from resentment, fear, shame, or guilt, we attract what resonates with that vibration. It’s Universal Law, understand it or not, believe it or not, like it or not.

The solution? Inner discovery.

A trip to the emergency room fearing I was having a heart attack was the catalyst for my own such journey. I uncovered sub-conscious victim mentality and feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness were running me inside while I wore masks of poise and confidence on the outside. The signs were there, I just wasn’t seeing them as such.

Do any of the following feel familiar?

Sub-Conscious False Beliefs

  • Work harder than others to be seen, heard and understood.
  • Family/friends/experiences will make me happy.
  • I am as valuable as titles, wealth, associates, knowledge and stuff.
  • My intellect/head is more valuable than my emotions/heart.
  • I’m here to nurture others and I don’t count.

Reflections on My Life

  • Life was hard.
  • Happiness was elusive, fleeting, and never filled me up.
  • Constant chase for professional and personal success, never feeling fulfillment.
  • People in my life were emotionally unavailable.
  • People took from me and then abandoned me.

The truth of the matter, of all matters, is our birthright as spiritual beings – “Image and Likeness” of God – Peace, Love, Joy and Freedom. This is who we really are and what we are meant to experience. When we experience lack, struggle, and sadness, there’s interference altering our vibration.

Confucius said, “Wherever you go, there you are.” When something detrimental is within your “you-ness,” you can’t escape it until you dismantle the false beliefs that rooted it in place. Until you re-connect to inner Truth, your outer will be less than.

If this is you, use this as your wake-up call rather than a heart attack, divorce, or bankruptcy. Engage in an ‘archeology of yourself.’ Without blame, shame, or guilt turn within. Dig deep.

Uncover and surrender whatever no longer serves you, and get into a juicy love affair with you. Awaken to the perfection you already are so you can give yourself in service and in love to others, and receive the abundance of the Universe!

Avatar photo

Valerie Sheppard is a catastrophic-stroke survivor, mindfulness and self-mastery expert, inspirational keynote speaker, #1 best-selling author, executive leadership coach and Founding Member of the Evolutionary Business Council. She is passionate about guiding you to experience more happiness, success and fulfillment. Using the spiritual 4-Step process she created from her own journey of personal transformation, her clients are healing from the past, reprogramming negative conditioning and limiting beliefs, and creating more vibrant lives and thriving businesses.  

Valerie’s multi-award-winning, #1 international best-seller Living Happy to Be ME!: Dancing Your Soul Lightstyle© is the centerpiece of her transformational practice, which includes a curriculum for post-secondary education that's much-loved at the University of California, Irvine. She has a diverse coaching background spanning more than 25 years, including working with teens and adults, individuals and groups, executives and entrepreneurs.  She is a certified Sacred Contracts coach, and has been trained in compassionate communication, spiritual direction and HeartMath.  

Valerie is recipient of the 2016 Spotlight Award from The Dynamic Women of UCI and the Excellence in Service Award from the National Society of Leadership and Success. Other recognition includes the 2015 Unstoppable Award from the Evolutionary Business Council, the 2013 Life Enrichment Award from Rock Life, and a 2012 nomination for both the Orange County Business Journal’s Women in Business Award, and the National Association of Female Executives Rising Star Award.

Valerie is also Founder and Executive Director of Hearts Awakening, a CA-based 501(c)3 non-profit company through which she will take her transformational wisdom and tools to underserved young adults. She is especially interested in reaching emancipated foster youth and low-income 1st generation college students.

Connect with Valerie via email: [email protected].

For more information, please visit Like Valerie's fan page on Facebook Follow Valerie on Twitter and Instagram.

This Post Has 27 Comments

  1. I totally agree with this article, you need to take care of your spiritual, mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health before you can help others. One of the principles of natural justice states that you cannot give what you don’t have.
    We cannot blame ourselves for the wrong we have done, we need to forgive ourselves and positively impact the life of others. Sometimes, we are guided by terrible spirits to do harm to others or ourselves, we need to develop our spiritual well- being and guard ourselves from the negative vibes that are lose in our world.
    Think positive thoughts, love yourself and bash in the glory of God’s mercy to give you the strength to help those around you.

    1. Hi Sarah, Thanks for sharing your perspective. Yes, taking care of our inner house should be our first priority. We fill ourselves up, THEN we are truly fit to give to others. So many people are trying to give from emptiness or half-fullness inside. It doesn’t serve them. It’s not selfish to spend time nurturing and loving yourself, as long as it’s done in a responsible manner. The more we do this, the more fortified we are for whatever the journey through life brings our way.
      Many Blessings, Love and Light!

      1. Sarah and Valerie, do you think this applies in a case where a health practitioner is giving treatment? That if they are not healthy themselves they cannot help someone else get healthy?

        1. Hi Nada,
          I tend to think that the more whole one is, the better able to help others claim their wholeness. I believe that’s true because the Divine Light, Love and Wisdom are more available to a whole person (meaning fully awake and available to their Spiritual self, not just the human ego). For that reason, I prefer to work with health practitioners who are actively working on themselves as a practice, not considering themselves “done.”

    1. Greetings Laura. Yes, there can be wounds and darkness on the inside that we are afraid to confront. I found both, and I was amazed at what was there and from whence it had come. But I’m much better off having released it than having it running me sub-consciously any longer. I love talking about how to create happiness, but some people believe that creating more happiness is just about having more fun. In every case, my clients have some courageous introspection and healing to do before the happiness train can really leave the station. And as you so triumphantly point out, it’s worth it!! After the healings, they experience more deep and lasting happiness than they had ever felt before.
      Many Blessings, and thanks for your comment.

  2. I think I’ve found my favorite new life moto, “. Awaken to the perfection you already are so you can give yourself in service and in love to others, and receive the abundance of the Universe!”. Truly inspiring words Valerie, thank you for sharing ♥

    1. 🙂 So happy to hear it! We can only truly serve others when we’re overflowing, and that means we need to meet our own needs for love, compassion, healthiness, and peace first. Sending wishes for you to embody the moto and see how your life shifts! Many Blessings, and thanks for the comment! <3

  3. Great article! Valerie, you seemed to narrow in on exactly the negative, soul-crushing emotions so many people feel and may not even know is running their lives. Thanks for this!

    1. Thanks Lisa! So wonderful to have your perspective. Yes, most people aren’t aware of the iceberg below the surface of their expression and experience. But with a little courage and effort, they can release it and move on! Blessings! Valerie

  4. Love the article. Thank you for the reminder to connect with your inner self and listen to all the signs around us.

  5. Hi Amina,
    I appreciate your comment. Yes, conscious engagement with your inner world sets you up for wonderful and miraculous experiences in the outer. You’re worth the journey! Blessings, Valerie

  6. I love this inspiration, it really resonates with me. One of my mottos is, “Everywhere you go, there you are”. Thank you for sharing your fight on insights! Love and light to you!

    1. Greetings Hydra! I’m grateful this message resonates with you! I too am a fan of your motto! I used it in my recent best-seller and I teach with it in my Living 101 class at the University of CA. It’s powerful perspective indeed. Wishing you continued joy on your journey into you.
      Blessings, Valerie

  7. Well said Valerie.
    Once I know, really know, love and appreciate me, everything changes. . .the ‘mask’ is off and “freedom reigns” – in Nelson Mandelas brilliant words.
    The big question, “What is the path to this state of being?”
    In my own experience there was only one; and it was unexpected. All of the others, and I have read, been alerted and been engaged with many, I either did not experience or, they did not work for me – since I couldn’t, or didn’t, take myself “deep” enough.
    Mine came from high altitude, multi-day hikes (into the mountains, where the air is thin and the landscapes pristine), as did similar transformations occur for people I subsequently started taken into these adventures.
    Life and the world can be so stunningly beautiful!

    1. Greetings Werner.
      Please forgive my delayed response to you question.
      What Mr. Mandela and I are both talking about are the pillars of self-mastery, which I define as self-awareness, self-acceptance and self-love. The path to these is what all of life is truly about. Our lives are happening FOR us not TO us. The path to these is your very life itself. You see, through the twists and turns, ups and downs, ins and outs, joys and sorrows and everything in between, we get the opportunity to notice our conditioned ‘false’ self and our innate True Self. The latter is the essential nature of you…the magnificence that you’ve always been.

      I’m glad you’ve been able to touch it when in thin air. I’m sure those experiences are magnificent. I can also assure you that you can have this experience of yourself at sea level. I’m here if you want to explore further. In the meantime, blessings and gratitude, and keep climbing!

  8. Valerie – great reminders to take care of ourselves which means actually paying attention. I have yet to try writing a love letter to myself. I do mentally commend myself. Congratulations on all you’ve accomplished.

    1. Greetings Virgina!
      Thanks for your engagement with my article. Paying attention is what I call “waking up” in my 4-step Living Happy to Be ME!© transformational process, and you’re spot on. We each need to take personal responsibility for meeting our needs and fulfilling our desires, and that means I have to notice myself. If you still haven’t written that love letter to yourself, I say get busy sister! For help with that, you can start by asking a handful of close and trusted friends and colleagues (not family) what they think your superpowers are. You might be surprise at what they see in you that you’re not seeing in yourself. Then allow yourself to totally receive and accept their assessments. Then see what you can add.
      Blessings and gratitude. Stay well and choose happy!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *