My Fiancée Left Me. How Do I Move On?

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“My fiancée recently broke up with me after a four year relationship. She said that I kept pushing her away and did not want to communicate with her about our life. I agree that I was not always approachable and at times took her for granted.

Funny thing is, when she left, I realised how much I loved her (expensive lesson to learn). It’s been two months now, and see is seeing someone else, who she says is always there for her and just wants to be with her. (We stayed about an hour drive from each other and I could only see her on weekends.) He is about 15 minutes away from her. I know I messed up by not always being there for her, I know she always told me she couldn’t take it not seeing so little of me. She says she still loves me, but feels we have grown apart and she doesn’t want to hurt this guy as he has done nothing wrong. I do understand that.

How do I get over this as she was part of my life for so long? This is not just being in love with, I truly love this woman. I keep on telling myself if this is meant to be she will find her way back to me, but it’s so difficult sticking with that idea. We had a fantastic time together, she constantly told me she loved me and then asked how I feel. I know she wanted to get married so much and have a family. I have learnt that the guy she is with now is going to ask her to marry him within the next couple of weeks, and it hurts to know if this happens I may lose her forever. I was supposed to be the guy standing in church waiting for her, looking back at her whilst she enters and giving her a big smile.

I need some advice to cope with this as I find myself constantly down thinking about her. I know I should let go, but it’s so hard. What I feel is more than just physical, it’s hard to see myself with someone else and I know time is a healer and if she is truly happy I should let her be. I’m trying to let her go, I really am but God knows I’m struggling. Some people says God does not have a special person for everyone but leaves that choice up to you. I pray each day and this has totally shifted my way of living my life. I want to be better, do things the way God intended me to, but it’s difficult. I still love her so much. Thanks.” ~ Jerome, Cape Town, South Africa

Dear Jerome:

My heart is with you as you face the pain you are experiencing. For some people, a shift in a close relationship often feels like a death and because of that, there is a period of mourning. We don’t get over loss, but we do get on with our lives. It may be especially challenging since you had the desire to spend your life with this woman and now it seems that someone else may be living your dream. One of the things I have learned is that love is never wasted. With this woman, you were at your best and you grew and your heart expanded. Can you take that expansion and love yourself through it? I know that when we feel close to another person, it is hard to imagine life without them in it on a regular basis. One thing to remember is that you had a life prior to your meeting — and will continue to have a life beyond the relationship.

Let yourself feel all of the emotions surrounding this time in your life. Cry, grieve, laugh, stomp about if you need to, smile, appreciate what you had together. Send her love and good wishes for her life. Use this as a way to re-evaluate how you are in relationships. Is keeping emotional distance a pattern? Sometimes people do that out of fear of vulnerability and getting hurt. Be gentle with yourself. Take time to do things that nurture yourself. Spend time with friends, enjoy your hobbies, celebrate love in all forms in your life, not just romance. Let love in. Your heart will heal.

Many blessings,

Edie

Edie Weinstein

Edie delights in inviting people to live rich, full, juicy lives. She is an internationally recognized, sought after, colorfully creative journalist, interviewer, author and editor, a dynamic and inspiring speaker, licensed social worker and interfaith minister, BLISS coach, event producer, certified Laughter Yoga Leader, certified Cuddle Party facilitator, and Cosmic Concierge.  Edie is the founder of Hug Mobsters Armed With Love, which offers FREE HUGS events world- wide on a planned and spontaneous basis. She speaks on the subjects of wellness, relationships, trauma recovery, addiction, mental health, spirituality, sexuality, loss and grief.   Edie is the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming the Ordinary Into the Extraordinary and co-author of Embraced By the Divine: The Emerging Woman’s Gateway to Power, Passion and Purpose.  She has also contributed to several anthologies and personal growth books, including Taming the Anger Dragon: From Pissed Off to Peaceful.  Her work has been seen in Beliefnet,  Elephant .Journal  Psych Central, The Huffington Post, The Good Men Project,  as well as a growing number of other publications. She was the host of Vivid Life’s It’s All About Relationships on Blog Talk Radio for more than three years. Over the past 30 years, she has had the honor of interviewing His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Louise Hay, Judith Orloff, Debbie Ford, Arielle Ford, don Miguel Ruiz, Wayne Dyer, Bernie Siegel, Deepak Chopra, Jack Canfield, Marianne Williamson, Grover Washington, Jr., Dan Millman, Ram Dass, Olympia Dukakis, Shirley MacLaine, Dennis Weaver, Mariel Hemingway, Ben & Jerry and SARK. In the last four decades, she has worked with those who have been diagnosed with life-altering conditions, including mental health issues, cardiac disease, cancer, multiple sclerosis, infertility, end-stage conditions, eating disorders, addiction, traumatic brain injury, stroke, depression, and anxiety. She focuses on her clients’ resilience and assists them in developing a solid toolkit of coping skills. As both a clinician and a patient, she is aware of what it is like to be on the other side of the treatment relationship and can be of service to the patient, their caregivers, as well as the treatment team. Edie can address the issues that arise such as body image, trauma, sexuality, relationship changes, vulnerability, change in physical or cognitive ability, aging, end of life issues, and communicating needs. If you want to: 

  • Embrace life fully
  • Release patterns that have kept you from moving forward
  • Re-write the narrative to create the life of your dreams and desires
  • Enhance your relationships
  • Become an Opti-Mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility
Contact me today to see how I can meet the needs of your organization, publication or the person who looks back at you when you gaze in the mirror.

For more information, please visit opti-mystical.com.

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