“My daughter (18) asked to move in with me and her step mom (my second marriage) for a week or two. Instead she moved in indefinitely with all her belongings after arguing with her mom. She is in college but goes out ’til the early AM and has been a little nasty. But in general a good girl. I have to communicate with her mom often to discuss my daughter’s situation. I suspect drug use and alcohol.
“My current wife cannot take all of this, and feels very uncomfortable now at home and with our relationship. I was married 15 years, then met my new wife – we have been married only 20 months. I have to decide now: stand my ground, try to satisfy everyone, or put my daughter out and basically abandon her, or give up my 20 months’ marriage. All this while I’m raising my wife’s 15 year old son like he’s mine. Please advise!!!” ~ Gabriel, Roanoke
Gabriel, your situation is just one example why second marriages can be more difficult than first marriages because as you noted, you’re caught in between your love for your second wife and your child from your first marriage.
First things first. The union between you and your second wife is primary so treat it as such and honor your new wife by protecting her and respecting her concerns. Second, your daughter needs to see a united front of action between you and your first wife…she may need tough love if she is using drugs/alcohol.
I would suggest meeting with your first wife to create a plan of action and then meet with your daughter to set it into motion, remembering that we raise our children to become independent from us as parents. Look to the long-term well-being of everyone involved, not just the quick appeasement of your daughter.