Love is a choice, attraction isn’t. You don’t have any more control over who you fall for than you do over gravity. But when the chemical craziness of that first attraction wears off (after days or months or years), you wake up every day, look at the person in your bed and choose to be in love with them.
You can choose not to love someone too. Don’t be a love victim. Too many folks stay with men and women who are awful for them because they “love” them or because they’re afraid of “failing”. You have to love yourself first and sometimes that means walking away. You get this one life to be happy. Don’t waste it.
“Soulmates” aren’t found, they’re made. There’s no “The One,” there’s dozens… hundreds of men or women out there who would be perfect for you. Finding “the one” means finding someone wonderful and working together to create something extraordinary.
Nobody can make you a victim but you. I get a lot of emails about men “making” women crazy or women “making” men miserable. But nobody can “make” you a victim, any more than they can “make” you happy.
99.99999% of what people say and do has nothing to do with you. Even something as awful as cheating often has nothing to do with someone’s partner. People do what they do. You react how you react. Your heart is yours and you’re the only one who can make it feel anything.
Never apologize for your emotions, but don’t assume that just because you feel something that makes it true and right. We are crazy animals evolved from beasts. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to act on it. Feel it. Let it hum through your veins. Passion is infectious. Anger is useful. Pain is meant to teach. Feel everything as intensely as you can. And then pull it all back and make the choice that will make you happy.
Great relationships are about forgiveness. Forgive yourself for being human. Forgive your partner for being human too. Neither of you is perfect and you wouldn’t like it if you were anyway. (What would a perfect person want with someone as imperfect as you?) We don’t change as we get older, we just become more who we really are. Accept that. Love the changes. Laugh about them.
What you love about your partner is often what drives you nuts about them too. My own girlfriend is laid back, lovely and incredibly chill to be around. She’s also late for almost everything and sees “deadlines” as “suggestions.” It’s the same thing and I love her for it every day.
Care less. Love more. There’s only so much room in your heart for causes and passions and even people. Pick a few. Love them with intensity. Let the rest take care of themselves.