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Love is a choice, attraction isn’t. You don’t have any more control over who you fall for than you do over gravity. But when the chemical craziness of that first attraction wears off (after days or months or years), you wake up every day, look at the person in your bed and choose to be in love with them.

You can choose not to love someone too. Don’t be a love victim. Too many folks stay with men and women who are awful for them because they “love” them or because they’re afraid of “failing”. You have to love yourself first and sometimes that means walking away. You get this one life to be happy. Don’t waste it.

“Soulmates” aren’t found, they’re made. There’s no “The One,” there’s dozens… hundreds of men or women out there who would be perfect for you. Finding “the one” means finding someone wonderful and working together to create something extraordinary.

Nobody can make you a victim but you. I get a lot of emails about men “making” women crazy or women “making” men miserable. But nobody can “make” you a victim, any more than they can “make” you happy.

99.99999% of what people say and do has nothing to do with you. Even something as awful as cheating often has nothing to do with someone’s partner. People do what they do. You react how you react. Your heart is yours and you’re the only one who can make it feel anything.

Never apologize for your emotions, but don’t assume that just because you feel something that makes it true and right. We are crazy animals evolved from beasts. Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to act on it. Feel it. Let it hum through your veins. Passion is infectious. Anger is useful. Pain is meant to teach. Feel everything as intensely as you can. And then pull it all back and make the choice that will make you happy.

Great relationships are about forgiveness. Forgive yourself for being human. Forgive your partner for being human too. Neither of you is perfect and you wouldn’t like it if you were anyway. (What would a perfect person want with someone as imperfect as you?) We don’t change as we get older, we just become more who we really are. Accept that. Love the changes. Laugh about them.

What you love about your partner is often what drives you nuts about them too. My own girlfriend is laid back, lovely and incredibly chill to be around. She’s also late for almost everything and sees “deadlines” as “suggestions.” It’s the same thing and I love her for it every day.

Care less. Love more. There’s only so much room in your heart for causes and passions and even people. Pick a few. Love them with intensity. Let the rest take care of themselves.

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Michael Fiore is the creator of "Text Your Ex Back," "Text The Romance Back," "The Secret Survey: What Men Desperately Want You To Know But Will Never Tell You," and the author of the Amazon and Wall Street Journal Best Seller "Make Him Beg To Be Your Boyfriend In 6 Simple Steps." Through his programs, email list, Facebook page and podcast Michael has helped thousands of men and women have closer, more passionate and more honest relationships.

When not writing best sellers or recording new material, Michael spends his time at home in Seattle playing drums reading voraciously and spending time with the love of his life.

For more information, please visit

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. Might be true on the extent, but very wrong to live without conscious. In relationships this is considered selfishness. And where kids are involved, there might be consequences and a price to pay for being selfish. Frank k

  2. This was probably one of the BEST essay’s I have read on here. And I have been a reader now for over 4yrs, I was even the featured luminary earlier this month.
    This article was packed clear full of truth, wisdom, and reality!
    I am sharing this one with all my followers.

  3. One great lesson I have learnt is that love is a choice and that I can choose not to love. All along I had believed that love was divine and Godly!!!

  4. For me walking away is not an option. To talk as if it is for ALL people is to not understand the situations some find themselves in. .If you are still relatively young and healthy and so is your partner, walking away may be tough but feasible. If you have committed to caring for someone who is old and disabled and has mental problems, it would not only be callous to walk away, but could you live with yoursellf ?

  5. Rightly said Michael ! To me marriages are made in heaven.It is a heavenly knot.One has the highest amount of give-and-take account with one’s spouse from past births, that’s what brings us together,attracts us to each other…And we have to learn to accept the shortfalls of others and know that they have been accepting us with our shortfalls too…One should definitely not choose to be a victim if it comes to a point where a relationship is getting abusive or a spouse cheats on other…However up until that point, one needs to work things between each other….Bailing out on someone thinking that I deserve better is selfish…Love is beautiful when we love as if we were never hurt.

  6. Dear Michael

    What a coincidence! The person I am currently obsessing about is Michael. This was so awe inspiring! It couldn’t have come at the better time. All the points you mention just spoke to me personally. Thank you so much for the post and somehow I am convinced that everything happens for a reason. Please have fantastic holidays.

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