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So many people reference survivors and how strong they must be. Yet strength is only part of it. An ability to be mindful, to dance with the full circle of emotions that arise from adversity, to process feelings of discomfort, to lean on another for support and to deeply attune with your own inner-truths are the qualities that make you resilient. In this you can do more than just survive. You can thrive.

When you awake, take a moment to quietly experience the space. Open your minds’ eye with the curiosity of a child to see what is available to you. Take in your potential. It’s okay to spend a moment reflecting on the past – its successes and its struggles. Just don’t spend too long in that moment. Placing boundaries around the fear and sadness will keep you from falling down too low to be able to pick yourself back up. Find something process-oriented to keep your mind and body moving. Remember that the process is often more important than the result.

Resilience doesn’t emerge from naiveté. It’s not about seeing the glass half empty or half full – it’s about seeing the glass and discovering creative ways to use it. Positivity is okay – yet also welcome the strengthening wisdom that washes over you through adversity.

While it’s crucial not to be arrogant, there is a fine balance between humility and invisibility. At some point you will have a solution or a gift that others want and need. Align yourself with those who will listen – communicate and captivate them. Be strong in your convictions, quiet in your judgments and calm with your confidence. Stand in your success ONLY if you can also support others in theirs.

Awareness, acceptance, intention and implementation are pillars on which you can create balance and resilience in your life. Stay aware of the ebb and flow of trends, for they will surely be dynamic in your lifetime. Maintain an active awareness regarding your strengths and your weaknesses. Learn to accept limitations with the intention of moving the parts of yourself forward that reap the fullest rewards. Strategize and then act on your ideas.

Remember that rewards and success are not one in the same. You can engage with your inner-truth based on your expectations, values and vision – or respond to what others define as these measures for you.

Understand that you are part of a greater whole and that your actions never occur in a silo. They have ripple effects. With an honorable, realistic and authentic purpose you can make an impact. Be empathetic. Strive to stand in other people’s experiences, even if for a moment, before casting any decision on the merits of their behaviors.

Understand that you are unique and worthy. Often people forget why they chose a path, for instance their career or their life partners. And in this forgetting their movement becomes stagnant. That does NOT need to be you. Always know your WHY. It’s at the center of life’s wheel. With its spokes sprouting out further as the world grows smaller, it is paramount that you find balance among hopes, disappointments, tragedy and triumphs – the concrete and the ephemeral. You can do more than survive. You can thrive.

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Jessi LaCosta is the founder of BlueRio Strategies, LLC and its BlueRio Institute. Jessi LaCosta is a Transformational Speaker, Leadership and Resilience Advisor, Board Certified Coach. Her dedication and unwavering determination in helping others meet their goals and reach for their dreams grew not just from her professional experience and education, but also from her intuitive nature and ability to thrive after multiple traumatic events. These include a car-jacking abduction at gunpoint and several home invasions. Coming from a bright, creative family with some members who suffer anxiety and autism, has inspired her passion for helping others become more resilient whether they face personal or professional crises.

More than ten years ago, LaCosta founded the USA’s First Center for Credentialing and Education BCC-Approved veteran-focused coach certification training program that produces quality, certified coaches who can assist military veterans with life mapping, career transition, and career development. She also has designed and delivered BCC-Approved Continuing Education programs in the areas of transition and resilience and recently launched a new BCC-Approved Leadership and Resilience.

As a Board Certified Coach with special designations in Corporate/Leadership and Career Coaching, she has provided in excess of 3000 hours of coaching to individuals and team.  LaCosta is the recipient of both the H. Mebane Turner Service and the Thomas J. Pullen Outstanding Young Alumna Awards from the University of Baltimore and was honored with a Certificate of Special Congressional Recognition from a Member of Congress, "in recognition of your dedication to support our veterans and their families." She also received the 2013 Women Who Impact San Diego award from San Diego Metro Magazine. She has been featured in local, regional and national press.

For more information, please visit &

This Post Has 58 Comments

  1. This is lovely Jessi. I especially resonate to embracing all that is present and knowing how to not fall into dark holes. And to know that all of life’s experiences, even the hardest can lead us to thriving!

    1. Lynda – you are so right – we must be aware of black holes – yet not fear as to getting so close – we learn so much in all the phases of life.

  2. You have a way with words, truly inspirational which reflects who you are!!! I especially like the exhortation to: “Be strong in your convictions, quiet in your judgments and calm with your confidence.” Thank-you.

    1. Thank you Becky – its funny – when I wrote that I almost felt it was coming through me – not from me – meaning it was so intuitive to feel that this is an important message for many to hear.

  3. Thoughtful and from the heart. On one hand it seems a little strange that we need reminding we are unique and special, but the truth of it is that we do need it and Jessi has done it so beautifully here, that I can’t help but feel better about being me today 🙂

    1. Richard the notion that we shouldn’t need reminding and yet we do is right on point. Everyone has value and deserves for the world to know it.

  4. I can do more than just survive, I will thrive! Great reflection, great depth and at the same time simplicity. Life is very simple, yet many times we make it so complicated and we get “twisted in” or diverted by things, people and situations. I love it Jessi! I have to emphasize I live to fulfill a purpose!

    1. Jezreel – you are correct in that we often make things too complicated to process – simplicity and complexity however can often live together as twins – so in our strength we can decide which one is needed to move life forward. Thank you.

  5. Thank you Jessi, I especially resonate with “An ability to be mindful, to dance with the full circle of emotions that arise from adversity” your words are much appreciated 🙂

    1. Mandy – you are welcome – and thank you. It seems easier to dance side to side – yet a full circle dance will bring us a rich and meaningful life.

  6. Thanks, Jessi. You have packed an awful lot into a mere 500 words. It definitely merits some reflection and a second read! I took away the concepts of seeing reality, “its about seeing the glass”. And balance. Balance between “humility and invisibility”; between our expectations of ourselves and the expectations others have of us; between “positivity and adversity” between finding our why and knowing our why.

    I also love the idea of the importance of process. Some have said the “process is the product”.

    1. Patrick you too packed a lot of brilliance into a short response 😉 Thank you. Balance – and true – among many things. Yet I often see balance as not perfect – but in motion – a dynamic experience where sometimes it may come close to imbalance. Yet with awareness and willingness a person can use energy and understanding to bring life’s competing needs back closer to equilibrium.

  7. Jessi,
    This is a truly inspirational and spectacular introspective piece that can be read and re-read every day! Loved it <3

    1. Joseph – you are so very much welcome. You also have so much wisdom to share – I hope you will do more of that soon.

  8. Wow!! I am so proud of you – and not a bit surprised! I hear the Interpersonal Neurobiology in this, AND there is so much more. You could easily split this out into days and days worth of daily meditations on the gems that you have included here. Thank you for this gift, Jessi!

    1. Marion – as much as I admire you and what I have learned from you and others about IPNB – your comment is especially touching to me. My mother felt it was the basis of a book – and she being a writer may be onto something. Thank you.

  9. Love this quote: “Placing boundaries around the fear and sadness will keep you from falling down too low to be able to pick yourself back up.”
    Falling into the rabbit hole of emotions can keep one from moving forward and your quote reminds us to not to become slaves to our emotions–we can be gentle masters and consciously chart our journey.

  10. Packed with inspiring words filled with support and guidance. I felt the words giving me purpose and reminding me of my end goal. Sometimes we get stuck in the process and forget “why”. Sometimes we move so fast without just a moment of silence to evaluate the process. “You can do more than survive. You can thrive.” In order, to thrive we have to be willing to ask ourselves the hard questions but more importantly, we have to act once we have the answer(s).

    1. Bettina – thank you. You are so right – about that moment of silence and today many will need it and hoping many take it.

  11. 9/11 is such a perfect day to absorb your message of balance, Jessi. People who passed through this experience would have a hard time just using positivity to conquer all of the feelings that came up for us personally and nationally. I love that you help us all to accept the sad, dark, and difficult, as well as build up the resilient, hopeful, possible. Few enough are those who are willing to grab our hands right outside “the dark wood” and say, “yes, let’s go in together. I am here all the way–I won’t leave–you are not alone.” But there is more than fear in that dark place–and coaches and counselors need to be reminded sometimes, as you have done here, that the purpose of doing work on ourselves is not to feel Good, it’s to feel everything. Thank you, as ever, for your generosity and courage.

    1. Lissa – I am so touched by your words and reading them reminds me of the small things all of us can do that make BIG differences for others. Yes – taking it ALL in – of course in healthy measures – makes for a more robust experience and more integrated, authentic selves. Thank you

    1. Deborah – you are welcome and thank you – I love how you offer the idea of leaning into positivity and purposed. It reminds me that we do not always have to run to it at 120 mph – rather we can move at our own pace – into the sources that we need.

  12. Wow, Jessi! This short inspirational piece is like a survival kit packed full of amazing wisdom tools…I want to go back and read slowly and examine and digest each tool, each inspiring thought. I love your emphasis on the delicate balance between acceptance and being with challenging feelings and memories, but then putting a boundary around them so they don’t drag you down. Also really appreciated the message of balancing humility with invisibility. I am learning that it is not arrogance to step out of my invisibility when I know that I have a gift that will benefit others. Thank you for stepping up to give YOUR gifts…and for your clarity, heartfulness and conviction!!

    1. Maya – thank you for taking all this in at such deep levels. It is so true that we are all equipped with gifts and value and so long as we do not take it for granted it is wonderful to know it – to own it – to stand in our successes so that we may help others too.

  13. I concur with previous responders – Wow! Thank you, Jessi, for taking the time to share your wisdom and inspiration. The sentence, “Stand in your success ONLY if you can also support others in theirs,” really stood out to me. It’s true that you cannot truly support the success of others if jealousy and ego are present. We have to be okay with who we are before we can enjoy the success of others. The thought is similar to “how can we love truly love others unless we love ourselves first?”

    1. Thank you Cindy – it can be hard work – and yet I agree we must be fairly comfortable with ourselves in order to truly reap the largest rewards of success.

  14. Jessi, as usual you reveal the complexity hidden within simplicity. Your writing never fails to provide the multiple paths one can take for thinking, action, and change. Thank you for sharing your insight.

    1. And to think I feel I am too complex 🙂 Thank you for your comments – these days need to be days where our complexity and seeming chaos bring us together to reveal a stronger and more united front – than divided on one side or the other. So I truly appreciate you seeing that we all have various “paths one can take for thinking, action, and change.”

  15. There is so much to think about packed in these few lines! I will be coming back to this again and again to contemplate various ideas – resilience, boundaries, the process is more important than the product, always know your why. I am grateful, Jessi, for your wisdom and for your willingness to share with the world.

    1. Thank you Steven – In reading this several times and taking to heart – truly to heart- the amazing responses, I am considering a small book or booklet based off of this – maybe with weekly reminders – questions and intentions. If I can touch just 100 people – I know they will carry it forward to 10 each – just imagine how much they will also change the world. We ALL have this ability – if we just remember it. 🙂

  16. Thank you for the reminder to stay with our core of why – Your mention of us as part of a whole reminds me of the theory of Urie Bronfenbrenner with the levels of developmental influence. I think that each of us has a why in each level and living the why promotes an integration of resilience in and across the levels.

    1. Kayce,

      This article was featured again in 2023 – which honors me – and to have such a nice response from you – a bright mind I admire feels wonderful. Thank you.

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