Through my 43 years, I have learned to be comfortable in my own skin by understanding that I must have GOD first in everything I do and say.
When I was 34 years, I had a moment of self-discovery. I realized my life was flashing by, and I did not feel complete as a woman. There were many things personally I wanted to accomplish before I settled into a relationship/marriage and have children. But I questioned those ideas – will I ever get married or is marriage in my future? Do I want to get married, and have children? Yes, but it was not a priority.
I wanted to sustain my career development, work on my profession as a top-tier publicist, and complete college. In the midst, I had put on hold many things that were not allied with my goals. In life, we have to be able to not be afraid of placing and putting ourselves first. It’s not being selfish; it’s being self-full.
In my life, there were many people I just did not understand why I was dealing with them. I was not sure if they were meant to be in my life for a season or a particular reason. I endured so many triumphs, challenges and barriers that were blocking me from my goals – so that after a while, I felt unhappy, depressed and unfilled. Upon self-evaluation, I started to make decisions that were best for me, without seeking validation and approval from others.
I knew all that I set out to do in my life was for a good purpose and to make me a better person as a daughter, family member, friend and entrepreneur. Many did not understand my quest for personal affirmation, but when you set out to achieve your goals to be internally happy and fulfilled, it is not your responsibility to make others understand. They are not part of your journey.
To be self-full is a personal journey between you and God; only you have the full comprehension of your direction in life. My lifestyle consists of facing some hard facts that many things I want, may not be want I need. I had to come to the realization that my needs must be met before I can want anything. In life, when you place the things you want before your needs, your needs never get met.
It took me years to understand my needs. I always had God in my life, but I will admit I wavered due to lack of faith. I had to understand my faith can never waver, and God will always answer at the right time. As I continue to push forward, for the last several years, I have been pleased with myself in the decisions I made and with my personal transition of self-love. Lastly, I make all my decision with prayer, mediate and seek only God’s validation and approval.
My wisdom of advice to any woman going over life’s hurdles is to make decisions in divine order: God first; you second; all else follows.