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Ask A Luminary

How Can I Put the Past Behind Me?

"Dear Sara, I grew up in Canada in a dysfunctional family with alcoholism, emotional abuse and neglect, then moved with my family to New Zealand when I was a teenager. My mother was unable to show any love or affection and I have tried for many years to seek approval and my mother's love. My childhood and adolescence had a significant impact on my mental health and happiness. I thought I was a bad person until I completed a social work degree and realised that my mother was not capable of loving and learned about childhood conditioning. My sister was…

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Ask A Luminary

How Do You Stay Married To a Liar?

"How do you stay married to someone who lies repeatedly to you and then twists things around when confronted?" ~ Joni, Agoura Hills, CA Dear Joni, Most of us wouldn’t tolerate someone intentionally being dishonest with us, whether it’s from the person we are dating, a family member, friend, coworker or even an acquaintance as that’s usually a standard cardinal rule deal-breaker in continuing most relationships. The difficulty lies (no pun intended) when it’s with our spouse or children.  If it’s our children, we would love our way through it, teaching them about consequences, character, trust, kindness, compassion and the other…

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Using Your Relationships to Realize Real Life

The greatest, most abundant resource on planet Earth is also its least understood and utilized. Its unlimited supply is found virtually everywhere, anytime, and under all circumstances, even though few recognize its real value. What is this most precious collective resource? It is our relationships. Consider these truths: It is within relationships that we grow as individuals in everything valuable, because it is through them that we become stronger and wiser, allowing us to realize a love that transcends our unseen self-limiting self-interests. Yet, even though we may acknowledge the existence of this path to self-perfection, the essential mystery of…

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Giveaway: Win a Copy of Married With Luggage!

When nothing seems to fix your struggling marriage, what should you do? Getting nowhere with counseling and considering divorce, our Luminaries Betsy and Warren Talbot realized they needed to put their relationship first.... which resulted in them getting rid of everything and traveling the world! Their global adventure taught ended up teaching them not just about the world around them, but also about their own relationship with each other. Betsy and Warren share their journey in their new book, Married with Luggage: What We Learned About Love by Traveling the World. Today we are excited to both offer an excerpt from Married with Luggage for you to get…

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Our Path To Joy

Married With Luggage: The List That Changed Everything

We hope you enjoy this excerpt from Warren and Betsy Talbot's fourth book, Married with Luggage: What We Learned About Love by Traveling the World. You can find out more about the book and their story of relationship renewal in their bio at the end of the article. We finally went to a therapist to see if he could fix us. The office was in an old building on Main Street, and we both left work early to make the appointment. That showed commitment, right? Neither one of us knew what to expect. This marriage therapist had the look of a distracted…

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Ask A Luminary

How Can I Move Forward from My Mistakes?

"Could you please share with me how can I get over my past mistakes and actions? 7 months ago I had a terrible fight with a friend of mine, whom I had feelings for. It was a long distance relationship. Due to anger and rage, I communicated harsh words to her. I tried apologizing but she's not ready to take my calls and has blocked me off all social networking sites and hasn't communicated since. I terribly feel her absence and I'm down with guilt. Every day thoughts of her keep running through my mind. I feel that if I'd…

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Ask A Luminary

Should I Take the First Step in a Relationship?

"Two weeks ago my crush sent me a friendship request on Facebook and he told me that he likes me. I was so happy but since then we haven't talked. I texted him once after that but the last message is always mine -- I feel like he's not interested in me anymore. The sad part is that I will never see him again after this week , he's going to another country! And I don't know if I should tell him that I like him or not -- what if he ignores me and I'll look so stupid? What should I do, please?" ~…

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The Art of Authenticity

The words I would like to leave to humanity are walk in your own authenticity. While this may sound elementary, as I have walked through several phases of my journey, I realized I lost valuable time not being completely authentic. I am aware the growing process had a vast impact upon the way I viewed and perceived myself. However, decisions I made based on the environment, and peers caused me to present a facade which was not my character nor my stature. Authenticity to me is the ability to reach within myself and expose even to myself, my triumphs and…

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Bouncing with Style: Toxic Ex-Partners

Last night I was on a panel of experts talking about toxic relationships. One of the experts identified 6 or 7 things people do in a toxic “ex” relationship.  No one falls neatly into one category and people can and often do exhibit more than one of these toxic behaviors. The only problem I had with her presentation was that it was filled with psycho-babble-ease that left me stumped with the fancy terms. So I put it in terms that we can all understand and have a good chuckle! The Big Buttinski This person interferes with your new relationship. It…

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Finding Gold

In my many years working as a counselor and pursuing truth, there are two things I know for sure. First, we all need each other like the ocean needs the sand, and second, learning to be authentic is a task that requires truth, courage and commitment. So often in life people try to pursue a quick fix to their problems, and the truth is that any real problem worthy of being solved, does not and will not ever happen overnight. Finding gold takes time. Finding gold takes patience. Finding gold takes others. The gold I'm referring to is not the…

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Embracing the Whole Person Concept

Philosopher Dr. Mortimer J. Adler was the first to introduce the Whole Person Concept, which challenges us to strive for a proper balance in all aspects of our lives—spending meaningful time with family and friends, maintaining our health, enriching our lives, becoming all that we can be, giving back to our communities, learning to manage our financial affairs, and growing in our spiritual lives. At its core, the Whole Person Concept is learning to balance our work, our lives, and our successes. The Whole Person Concept encourages us to remember the importance of growing and learning, and it reminds me…

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The Art of Love Series

Whether you are still looking for your beloved or want to deepen your current partnership, now there’s a one-stop resource to discover what really works in modern day relationships. Make your love life extraordinary with this FREE online event for couples & singles, The Art of Love Relationship Series, starting April 1st! Over 9 transformational days, host Arielle Ford will interview over 50 experts like John Gray, Harville Hendrix, Lisa Nichols, Katherine Woodward Thomas and more. As part of this free online training event, you'll learn the latest wisdom and relationship-building tools to ignite your passion and sustain a satisfying and healthy relationship.

Register for The Art of Love Relationship Series now!

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Bouncing with Style: Better Boundaries

Yesterday I read a book about boundaries. Why? I had to for one of my upcoming shows.  Much to my delight, I started understanding what that bandied-about term meant in relation to me, my family and friends, and my kids. Even my dogs will benefit from my reading the material. We hear a lot in the media about boundaries. Gotta set boundaries. That’s a boundary violation. I have firm boundaries.  I have no boundaries. But what does that really mean? I started thinking about how boundaries are being erased as we groove into a society where personal choice often trumps the rights…

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Ask A Luminary

How Can I Stop Feeling Bad?

"These days I have become so lazy and shiftless! I don't do anything except watch TV and sleep. I wanna do something productive like studying or reading but every time I think about this, I have this bad feeling inside me that I just can't describe, so I convince myself to just relax another time and not do anything. I've been doing this boring routine for like 2 weeks now and I'm sick of this and I really wanna change, but I CAN'T! Please, what should I do to remove all these bad thoughts in me and become determined? Thank…

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Mindful Leadership: Don’t Judge, Come to Understand

Gordon Dean, former head of the Atomic Energy Commission, scrawled the following quote on the back of an envelope found beside him after his death in a plane crash. Never judge people, don’t type them too quickly, but in a pinch, always assume that a man is good and that at worst he is in the gray area between good and bad. Wise words, realized only hours -- possibly moments -- before Mr. Dean tragically died. If you are reading this, then hopefully you have the luxury of more life to live -- and to learn a valuable lesson from…

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Mother And Child On Grass

Mother is the First Beloved

Years ago, I worked with a gifted hypnotherapist. He was a newbie to the craft, just starting out, and I don’t think either he or I understood the scope of his abilities then. Suffice it to say, I went to places and spaces that were far beyond the price of his introductory sessions! We worked together in the dank basement room of a rental office downtown, the kind of place where folks set up flimsy folding tables and phone banks, then clear out overnight to whereabouts unknown. A way stop for fly-by-night businesses, filled with all the ghosts of failed…

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Ask A Luminary

Does a Broken Promise Mean a Broken Relationship?

"I'm disappointed by the lack of honesty in the world today. Recently I've had one promise after another broken by various individuals. Does anyone value honesty any more?" ~ Stephen, San Diego, CA Dear Stephen, Feeling that others are dishonest is a sign that your expectations are not aligned. It’s important to clearly communicate what you expect to happen and what you’re willing to do to help make it happen. You have two choices: 1. You can be right. That means that the other person must be wrong if they can’t or won’t meet your preferences. Your inflexibility will drive people…

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You Can’t Do It Alone: The Power of Community

It is only in the most recent history that people subscribe to the ideal of "independence," of doing it on your own, of not needing anybody to support you. And in concept, this may be a good idea but only as a concept. We have millions of years of a genetic heritage that argues for community and we have maybe 75 to 100 years that argues for independence. Human beings have survived out of their interdependence, not their independence. When infants are born they are completely helpless and would surely perish if not for the love and care given by…

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Father is the First Teacher

My bathing cap is too tight; it doesn’t hold the cascade of hair that someone’s piled on my head in order to squash it on, pull it tight until it covers my ears. When I take it off later, my hair will be sodden, snarled, and the long strands will catch in the cap, causing me to yelp in pain. I wear it, because I want to pretend I am immune from the water: that even when I am submerged, my body will be safe from all that scary wetness. If we wore goggles back then, I’d have put them…

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Ask A Luminary

How Can I Help My Struggling Friend?

"I have a friend struggling with grief, health and emotional issues. She is extremely negative, sarcastic and angry in all aspects of her life. She has no other friends and thanks me for being a positive example in her life. Very slowly, she is trying to change to more positive thoughts and actions. Problem is I am getting drained being her only friend in life. Her complaining is constant and she needs me so much of the time..I have a husband and other friends and I love to journal and read. I don't seem to have time for much anything…

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